


The Sewage of Youth

by gerardsjuarez



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Casual Sex, Existential Crisis, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Relapsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:00:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24761989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerardsjuarez/pseuds/gerardsjuarez
Summary: Frank was nineteen. He’d been nineteen for about a week and nothing had changed.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Quinn Allman/Bert McCracken
Comments: 35
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have never in the history of writing fics written a chapter by chapter fic where I don't post all the chapters at once. This is new territory for me. I hope it treats you well.

Frank was nineteen. He’d been nineteen for about a week and nothing had changed. Somehow - he wasn’t sure  _ how _ exactly - he thought that something would change the moment the clock struck midnight. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting - a cinderella transformation? Something like the Transformers? Instead, he’d just been another year older, staring at his bedside alarm clock with no idea as to why he wasn’t already asleep.

Work the next day was terrible, too. Work was always terrible. He worked for Staples which was cool when he could get free fliers and stickers for his band but other than that, it sucked massive dick. But he was good at his job. He followed the rules and made sure displays were always neat and tidy - he was one of the boss’s favorites.

“Iero! Iero-” Zach caught up with him, looking excited, “Are you busy right now?”

Frank put down a box of sticky notes, “I was just getting ready to leave. Is something wrong?”

“Quite the opposite. I’ll let you finish up here but why don’t you come upstairs to clock out? I wanna talk.” He patted Frank on the shoulder and left with a big grin on his face so Frank knew he wasn’t in trouble. 

Zach was his boss. Or at least, his department manager. He was pretty chill and sometimes their lunch breaks ended up at the same time. Zach always had ham on rye and asked Frank about his band. He wanted to see his band, actually, but Frank wasn’t entirely sure he wanted him to. Pencey Prep was one of the few things that were still all his and no one else’s; he didn’t want to give that up to some office supply company, not yet. 

He finished putting the sticky notes on their display shelf and collapsed the box they were in. He passed a couple of coworkers on his way to the backroom, getting closed-mouth smiles and the occasional ‘hey Frank!’ He caught one of the suppliers about to turn on the bailer and tossed in the box, giving her a nod. Now he was off to the upstairs offices. 

When Frank worked at the grocery store down the street, the upstairs offices weren’t blocked off by anything. It was just a staircase and then some open-air with computers and one room for important discussions. He remembered staff calling it the Firing Room. The offices here were actual offices, all separate from each other down a sterile, greenish-white hallway with tacky wood floors. Frank hated them. It made him feel claustrophobic. 

By the time he made it to Zach’s office at the very end, he was feeling queasy. He checked the time on his Nokia. 8:03 pm. With a gentle knock on the door, he didn’t have to wait long for Zach to open it and usher him inside. Zach was a football fan and his office screamed it. Frank ignored the cardboard cut out of a man in the corner. There was a woman there who wasn’t a cardboard cut out and Frank had never seen her before. 

“Sit, sit. Both of you.” Zach sat behind his desk and watched as Frank and the woman complied.

“So,” Frank cleared his throat, “is everything alright?”

“You didn’t tell him why he’s here?” The woman asked and sighed when Zach shrugged, looking  _ timid _ . Frank had never seen him that way before. The woman turned to Frank and offered her hand, “I’m Lucinda. We’re here to talk about career opportunities within the company.”

“Frank.” He replied. The queasy feeling was unrelenting.

Zach spoke, leaning across the desk, “Look, kid, I put in good word for you at corporate and they really like you. Like ten people came out in the store to say you’d be good for an office job like mine.”

“Zach is going to work for head office and we’re looking to hire within the store before outsourcing. He says you’ve worked here since you were 17 and that you’ve been dedicated to being good at your job. Always on time, no complaints, friendly, and you’re familiar with your department. You’d get a substantial raise and a retirement plan - full dental. It’s a secure position.” Lucinda explained, folding her hands over her crossed legs.

“What do you think?” Zach grinned.

“I-” Frank paused, looking between them, “I’m only 19.”

“I’m aware. Zach fought long and hard for me to even consider you based upon your age but,” she sighed, “you’re about as qualified as Zach here.”

Frank gaped rather unprofessionally for a second as he processed everything, “You-you’re very kind to consider me but I don’t think I can give you an answer on the spot.”

Zach’s smile fell a smidge, “Oh, well, that’s alright, isn’t it?”

Lucinda still looked unamused, “As long as we get an answer in the next two months before Zach leaves. We have others on standby that we can outsource.”

Something on Lucinda’s person beeped and she excused herself, leaving Zach and Frank alone in the office. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. They watched her go and when the door closed, Zach sighed.

“You’re thinking of leaving altogether, aren’t you?” 

“I don’t know.” He admitted.

“Listen, you’re still young. Having a guaranteed future like this is rare. When I was your age, I was still freeloading off of my mom and skipping classes in college.” He stood up and Frank followed, “Just do what you think is right, Iero. Good night.”

“Do what I think is right?” Frank repeated to himself when he was in his car, “ _ Do  _ what  _ I  _ think is  _ right _ ?! I don’t know what the fuck is right!”

And it was the truth. Frank had done everything that had been asked of him. He graduated high school with honors, he followed his dreams of being in a band, he fell in and out of love, he got a job, he moved out, he had an apartment - he really shouldn’t be so fucking stressed about everything! He was an adult for crying out loud, he should have this figured out. 

“What’s best… what’s best?” He asked himself driving down the road, “God, what the fuck is best?”

There was a difference between what was right and what he wanted. He felt empty even though he had it all. He knew people he went to school with that would kill to have the life that he does. He had friends who were sleeping on their uncle’s couches and picking up shifts at gas stations cleaning shitters. Why was accepting a great job offer so hard? 

Maybe it was because he didn’t want it. 

“Jesus.” He said and pulled into a nearby blockbuster parking lot. He just needed some fresh air and a cigarette, that’s it. He just needed to calm down.

Except when he got out of his car and leaned against it, it just got worse. His hands shook as he struggled to light his cigarette. He was unhappy. It was stupid to not realize it before. He thought that everyone felt like this but even his friends who cleaned greasy ass 7/11 bathrooms were happy. They  _ told _ Frank that they were happy, content, despite it all. But Frank was uneasy. He felt restless. Like something was missing. What was missing? 

His cigarette fell onto the pavement and sizzled out in a puddle. Frank didn’t fight the tears anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild trigger warning for mentions of alcohol/past alcohol abuse. Also a lot of dick/piss talk with a drunk girl so be prepared for that.

In the morning, Frank woke up to a phone call. It was his day off and if it was Zach calling him in again, he was going to lose his cool, job offer or not. His tired eyes couldn’t read the blurry display, though, so he just choked out a dull ‘hello’ in hopes that whoever was on the other side would know that they woke him up.

“Morning, Frankie.” 

“Mikeyway?” He asked.

Frank knew Mikey Way through the music scene. He was a particularly charming guy who worked at Eyeball and continuously commended Frank on his skills as a musician. He was also kind of an ass but a lovable one. Frank sent a glance at his bedside clock and wasn’t surprised at all to see that it was 1 pm.

“The one and only. How are you? The band?” He started off conversationally.

“Tired and good.” He answered, yawning. Scratching his chest, he sat up, “Why are you calling?”

A pause, “Can’t I just call a friend?”

“Mikey,” Frank warned. He was seriously too tired for this.

“Fine!” He giggled, “Fine. I’m having a little get together at a friend’s and I wanted you to come. A lot of other people from bands will be there and I will admit, I miss you.”

Frank smiled, “I miss you, too, Mikeyway. I’d really like to see you when I’m not on stage.”

“Or when I’m puking my guts out.” He made a fake gagging sound and Frank cracked up, “It’s at 8 tonight if you wanna come.”

“Yeah, I wanna come. I think getting out of the house will be good for me.” He got up and searched for a pen, “Where’s it at?”

Mikey rattled off the address and Frank scribbled it down on an old magazine. After a tease and a sappy goodbye, Mikey hung up. If Frank was going to be seeing other people than Mikey and the roaches on his bedroom walls, he might as well start making his rounds early. By the time he was caffeinated, clean, and dressed, it was around 5. He drank another cup of coffee and smoked to pass time until 6. He watched some TV till 7 and played some guitar hero until 7:30. He could be early to the party. He could just say he was catching Mikey before everyone surrounded him.

The party was already in full swing by the time he got there. It was a clear night and the sun was setting behind the houses down the street. This was definitely a nicer part of town where there were vast spaces between houses and fences that looked as old as the state itself. Frank parked his car a couple of blocks away, seeing as the entire street the party was on was filled to the brim with cars. The walk to the party was weirdly quiet. It was just the sound of his shoes against the slightly damp pavement. He was wondering when it could’ve rained when he nearly got sprayed by some guy’s sprinkler. 

Laughter in the distance broke him from his shock. It was just a group of some kids that couldn’t be any older than 16, shoving each other around until they disappeared through the gate to the backyard. Frank followed a couple of older looking girls up the porch steps and found it paid off when he was suddenly attacked by long limbs and a smile.

“Frankie!” Mikey pulled him in, “God, it’s been months!”

“Are you drunk?” Frank asked.

“Buzzed.” He replied and pushed up his glasses when he pulled away. He looked ridiculous.

“You look ridiculous,” Frank said.

Mikey looked him up and down, “You cleaned up.”

He shrugged, “Yeah, well.”

What Mikey was talking about was the weed. Frank knew he looked different since he quit smoking. He’d shaved off the glue-dreads, lost a lot of weight. He wasn’t too big on self-esteem just yet but he didn’t look bad. He looked better. Better was a start. 

Mikey patted the side of his face and pulled him in for another hug. Apparently he’d seen someone over Frank’s shoulder because he made his ears ring with a shrill ‘hey!’ He pulled away from Frank to snag some dude by the crook of his elbow, making him spill something orange out of his solo cup. Frank just stood and watched everything unfold.

“Frankie! Hey, Frankie meet Gerard, Gerard meet Frankie.” He shoved the guy now known as Gerard forward.

He reached out and shook Frank’s hand. He looked pleasantly sober, “Hi.”

“Hey,” Frank replied.

Gerard was a few inches taller, had shaggy black hair, and wore a leather jacket. 

Gerard gestured with his cup, “I like your Danzig necklace.”

Frank touched his neck, “Ah. Thanks.”

“Mikeeeeeey!” A female voice shouted from across the room and then Mikey was gone.

He was usually pretty good at talking with strangers but the way Gerard kept looking at him with that entertained smile was throwing him off. Was he simply entertained by being around Frank? The very thought was weird. He cleared his throat.

“Uh, what are you drinking?” He asked.

Gerard looked in his cup, his smile turning sad at the edges, “Sunny D. Want some?”

He grinned, “I’d love some.”

Gerard helped steer Frank through the crowd with a hand on his shoulder, looking around almost like he was avoiding someone. He pushed Frank into the kitchen and shooed away some drunk girls who giggled and crooned ‘Gee’ at him. Frank watched as they tutted and got out of his way. Gerard dug through the fridge for a second before pulling out the Sunny D, snagging a cup, and filling it. Frank took it gratefully and took a sip.

“Don’t drink?” Frank asked.

“Recovering alcoholic,” Gerard said.

“Shit,” Frank replied.

“Yeah.” He shrugged, “Three months sober.”

“That’s great!” He said honestly.

Gerard kinda shook his head, “Maybe. What about you?”

“I’m underage.” Frank admitted, “I’ve drank before when I was stupid and 16. A friend of mine died while drunk driving so it kinda ruined it for me.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Gerard grew concerned.

He chuckled. It felt inappropriate the moment it happened but there was no way to take it back, “Sorry. I just met you and I’m unloading all my trauma. I’m, uh, gonna go find Mikey.”

“He’s probably shitfaced,” Gerard told him.

Frank shrugged, “At least I know him.”

He walked away, looking back once to see Gerard staring after him. When their eyes met, he looked away. Frank wandered the party a little bit, idly searching for Mikey and people watching at the same time. He didn’t know anyone at the party other than Mikey, he came to realize. A few girls looked familiar but he probably just saw them at shows. It was weird to him that people other than drunk dudes at bars liked his band. Like cute girls. Or fucking  _ kids _ . That was the weirdest to him. 

Mikey was virtually unfindable. He checked room after room after room and even went back to them to see if he moved while Frank was somewhere else. He had nicely avoided everyone at the party who tried to approach him by taking a drink and turning in the opposite direction. It had worked pretty fucking great until he had to use the bathroom halfway through the party because he just kept drinking Sunny D.

It took him so long to find the bathroom that when he did, it was the biggest relief in the world. He’d gone up a flight of stairs, walked in on some lesbians, and nearly pissed himself by the time he found it at the end of the hall. It was quiet upstairs which was really nice. A nice, quiet piss was what he needed. Or just a piss in general, really.

“Miranda?” A tired voice asked from the bathtub. The stream had just started to trickle when the shower curtain was gently pulled back and a girl was about a foot away from Frank, “Oh. That’s a nice cock.”

Shit.

Her eyes trailed up Frank’s body and her drunk smile fell when they made eye contact, “You’re Frank from Pencey Prep.”

“Uh.” He said smartly, dick still out.

The girl was goth and smelled like beer. She giggled, “My girlfriend Miranda sucked off your drummer.”

“Meilyn?” He asked.

“Hey! You remembered.” She slurred, “That really is a nice cock, though.”

“Haha,” Frank’s voice cracked and he finally unfroze enough to tuck himself back in his pants. 

He zipped them back up as Meilyn said, “Aww, no fun. Are you gay or something?”

“Bi, actually.” He blurted, backing up toward the sink.

Meilyn’s eyeliner streaked down her cheeks. She’d probably been in the tub for a while. In response to Frank’s sudden coming out, she frowned, “So you’re just not interested?”

“Maybe if you weren’t drunk?” He offered. She was pretty. And funny from what he could remember.

“That’s fair.” She shrugged a shoulder and her tank top strap fell.

God this was so weird.

Frank turned on the sink and shoved his hands under the water, not taking his eyes off of the drunk goth girl in the tub, “Aha, uh, have you seen Mikey?”

“No?” She moved some hair from her mouth, “Hey, if you see Miranda, tell her I’m in here.”

He couldn’t remember what Miranda looked like but told her he would anyway. He was honestly surprised he could remember her name. He dried off his hands and closed the door behind him, hearing Meilyn slump back into the tub. Well, he thought, one more lap around the house. 

Mikey wasn’t in the kitchen or the bathrooms or the bedrooms or the closet or the basement or the backyard or the shed in the backyard of the attic or the roof or the garage or the living room. He wasn’t at the goddamn party. He was, for lack of a better term, alone. Surrounded, yeah, but alone. He stood at the front door with his hand on the doorknob for the longest time, hoping that someone would look his way, or wish him a good night, but no one did. It was like he wasn’t there. With a sigh, he opened the door and stepped outside, pulling his jacket around him. 

“Leaving so soon?” 

Frank looked to his left. Gerard was on the porch smoking. It was completely dark outside, their world being lit up by a buzzing porch light. It was quiet for the most part, it seemed like a lot of people either left or migrated inside once the sun had gone down. Frank realized he forgot to respond when Gerard pushed his bangs out of his face and put out his cigarette in an ashtray, standing up.

“Come on, I wanna show you something.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and hopped down the porch steps.

With a wary look up and down the dark street, Frank followed Gerard to the gate leading into the backyard. There’d been people out there when Frank had been looking for Mikey but there weren’t any now. The firepit was still there but it was dying, a faint glow in the otherwise vacant space. He watched as Gerard added more wood to the fire, poking at the burnt pieces in there before the backyard lit up with orange. Gerard tossed the gasoline can to the side and watched as the wood caught fire.

“What did you want to show me?” Frank asked, sitting in one of the foldable chairs near the pit.

Gerard poked at the fire, “Nothing. I just wanted to talk.”

“About?”

“Mikey’s at a girl’s place. Someone named Miranda.” He shrugged, “I saw you looking for him.”

“Ah.” He said. He hoped Meilyn had a ride home, “Thanks for telling me.”

It was quiet for a while as Frank warmed himself up and Gerard continued to tend to the fire. Frank didn’t feel awkward exactly. Gerard made no move to talk and neither did Frank. They were just kinda… coexisting. When he looked up, Gerard was just idly staring at the fire with a blank look on his face like he’d zoned out. The shadows and red highlights made him look otherworldly. Gerard caught his eye and smiled, making Frank look away.

Gerard came over and sat in the chair next to Frank, “What’s up?”

“What do you mean?” Frank looked over.

“Well,” he shrugged, “you look kinda sad.”

He laughed through his nose, “A party is the last place I wanna be right now if I’m honest.”

After a second of thought, Gerard asked, “Okay, where would you rather be?”

“At home.” He said automatically, “No, wait. I’d rather be on tour.”

“You have a band?” His face lit up.

“Yeah, I do. Pencey Prep. We’re with Eyeball.” He said like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Gerard grinned, “So that’s how Mikey knows you. You know, I’ve been to a few of your shows.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think I was one in a crowd of three once getting drunk at the bar.” He sat back in his chair.

“Shit. Wished I knew you, then.” Frank mocked his actions.

The look on Gerard’s face turned sour. He stared at the fire for a second. Frank stared at the reflection of it in his eyes, “No you don’t. But that’s not the point. I wanna know what’s up with you.”

Frank scoffed, “I get that but  _ why _ ?”

“Maybe because I’ve been there.” Gerard snapped, looking at Frank, “How old are you?”

“Nineteen.” A bit of his angst flooded back in, remembering Gerard’s tone, “How old are you, then?”

“Twenty-two.” He replied, “I’ve been nineteen, I fucking know how it goes.”

“If you know how it goes, then-”

Gerard cut him off, “Because I never told anyone and became an alcoholic, Frank, that’s why.”

That shut Frank right the fuck up. 

He held Frank’s gaze for a seriously long second, “So. Have you told anyone how you’re doing?”

“No.”

“Do you want to?”

Frank huffed, “Yeah.”

It was weird how the air went from tense to almost near relief just by how Gerard sat. He turned himself toward Frank, crossed his legs, and put his hands in his hoodie pockets. His face looked calm and open. He actually wanted to listen. Whether or not he cared, Frank didn’t know. Maybe he was projecting, Frank thought, living vicariously through Frank in order to fulfill the things he never did at 19. 

Gerard just blinked back at him when he looked.

He supposed Gerard wasn’t that kind of person.

“I’m not even sure where to start.” Frank stared at the fire. It was easier to talk to it than to another person, “I thought I was fine until I got a job offer at work. I work at Staples and they want me to be a department manager. They’re giving me two months to decide if I want the position and I don’t think I want it.”

“Then don’t take it.” Gerard shrugged.

Frank huffed, “It’s not that simple. I would still be at Staples. My manager really wants me to take it. He says I have really good potential. That I could have a guaranteed life. Retirement plan, a way to work myself up to six figures. I looked into the position and I would have a  _ salary _ . I would have full health insurance and a blackberry through the company! It would be stupid to pass up.”

He thought for a second, “Have you convinced yourself that?”

“What?”

“I’m asking you to tell me what you feel. Not how you think you feel.” He explained, watching Frank carefully.

He shifted in his seat, “I started to drive home after that and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t drive I was shaking so much and I thought if I just stopped and had a smoke then I would be fine. But as soon as I got out of the car, I just broke down. I felt…”

He struggled to find words, looking down at his hands in midgesture.

“Cold. Empty? Trapped... Lost.” Frank ended up saying.

Gerard nodded, “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want advice?”

“God, if you’ve got any.” He sighed.

“Alright,” he leaned in, “quit your fucking job.”

Well. Frank hadn’t expected that.

“What? Why?”

“If getting an offer like that makes you feel those things - makes you feel  _ trapped _ \- you’ll never get out. That’s how corporate America gets you. With promises of a 401k and dental coverage. Quit your job.” Gerard was baiting him, it felt like, with a smile and logic.

But what was the catch?

“Let’s say I take your advice,” Frank leaned in, too, “where would I work?”

“Hmm,” Gerard said and sat back, taking his phone out, “text this guy.”

Frank stared at the screen in the dark with squinted eyes, “I can’t read that for shit.”

“What’s your number, then? I’ll text it to you.” He looked up at Frank, suddenly shy.

For whatever reason, that made him smile, “It’s 973-”

Gerard saved it to his phone and texted him the guy’s number, “His name’s Brian. Just shoot him a text in the morning. Something like… ‘hey, my name is Frank, I know Gerard, and I need a job’.”

“And he trusts your judgment?” Frank smirked.

Gerard’s laugh, he came to realize was loud and bubbly, “Oh, with his goddamn life.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute. I might have to warn you that there is a bit of Bert/Frank action in this chapter. I didn't tag this in the main tags because, well, it's just a casual thing and isn't a major plot point. Anyway, God speed.

He remembered his alarm going off. He remembered being annoyed that he couldn’t move his arms in order to turn it off. He, however, did not remember actually turning it off. He opened his eyes and yawned, seeing the faint surroundings of his bedroom around him. It was kinda blurry and darker than he usually remembered it being in his room when his alarm went off.

With a groan, he went to roll over. Until he realized he couldn’t. Wait… why couldn’t he? He startled awake with a gasp.

“Shhh.”

“Bert?” Frank croaked, “Why are you in my bed?”

“‘M not. You’re in mine.” He replied and moved off of Frank to bury his head in the crook of his neck.

He was really warm. Frank patted the back of his head, “Why’m I in your bed?”

“You got home late.” He yawned, “Like really fucking late. You should’ve seen the way you parked.”

“Ugh.”

Bert giggled, “This is why you gotta get sleep. Take a nap before you go to parties and shit. Still can’t believe you went, by the way.”

“Fuck off.” Frank groaned, “You got today off?” 

“Yeah, thank fuck. Wanna get food tonight, then?” He asked, moving his head so he could look at Frank.

“Duh,” Frank said like Bert was stupid, rolling over onto his side, “Denny’s again or do we want something else?”

“And break tradition?” Bert gave him an incredulous look, “I want Denny’s.”

He grinned and ruffled Bert’s hair till it was in his face, “Thought so. Take a shower while you’re at it. I bought that stuff you wanted.”

“The cherry one?” He sat up on his elbows.

“Yes, the cherry one. Now untangle yourself from me, man, I gotta get ready for work.” He tried to push Bert away but he just pushed one of his legs between Frank’s and held on tight.

His voice was soft, “Don’t you work at two? It’s like 10, at the  _ most _ .”

Frank glanced at the clock near Bert’s bed. It was broken and old as all shit but he could still read the red numbers. It was actually two minutes till 10. He supposed he did have a while till he had to go to work and he was a pro at getting ready in less than ten minutes. He didn’t fight it anymore and sighed. 

It was quiet for a long time before Bert said, “I don’t think we’ve ever just cuddled before.”

Frank stilled his hand that had been rubbing small circles on his back, “Hmm. Guess not.”

“It’s nice.” He said.

He continued the motion, “Yeah.”

Bert and Frank had known each other since freshman year of high school and they’d been casually hooking up since sophomore year. It wasn’t really a romantic thing by any means. Sometimes Bert kissed him but even that was rare. When Frank had wanted to move out, Bert had too so it was easy to move in together. Frank had expected it to be like a daily fuck fest since they were alone now but if anything, they had  _ less _ sex. Something about the thrill of getting caught, he supposed. 

He’d never just held him, though. Nothing had ever been slow with Bert. The one time Bert had been gentle with him, Frank thought about it for months. Replayed it over and over in his head.

“What are you thinking about?” Bert asked.

“Mmm,” Frank hid his face, “how much I want a boyfriend.”

“Any boy in particular?” He smoothed out Frank’s hair.

“No.” He paused, “Maybe this is why we never cuddled. My lonely ass would start yearning.”

“Yearning?” Bert pulled away, creating two inches of space between them, “Okay, Wilde.”

“Shut up.”

Bert just grinned at him, “I can blow you later if you want.”

“That’d be cool,” Frank said honestly.

…

Frank texted the number Gerard gave him as he walked into work. He tried to remember what Gerard told him to text and came up with something pretty similar. 

_ Hey, this is Frank. Gerard gave me your number when I said I needed a new job. _

He hadn’t even made it to the break room to put his stuff away when his phone rang. It was the same number he’d texted literally  _ two minutes ago _ . He looked around briefly, saw that no one else was in the room, and answered the call. It was quiet while the lines connected and then there was a rustle.

“Hey! Hello, is this Frank?” The guy asked. There was giggling in the background, more rusting, and a muffled, “Will you shut the hell up?”

“Yes, it is.” He paused, remembering the guy’s name, “Brian, right?”

“Indeed. I haven’t had Gerard send someone to me in years. Must be special, kid.” Brian’s tone sounded kind, “When are you free?”

“Well, I work tonight-” He started.

Brian cut him off, “Alright, when do you get off?”

Frank shifted, hearing the break room door open. For whatever reason, it felt like he was being caught doing something he shouldn’t have, “Uh, at 8.”

“Can you stop by after that or would you rather wait till tomorrow?” There was more rustling, closer to the receiver, and then Brian whispering, “I will fucking end you.”

Frank thought. Behind him, he heard the microwave beep. It was Zach looking way too chipper. He would never be that happy to be at work, “I can stop by.”

The tone in Brian’s voice was excited, “Sweet! I’ll text you the address but it’s the Grind and Gear skate shop by Gamestop. It’ll say we’re closed but just walk on in.”

“Awesome. I’ll see you later, then.” He cringed after he said it, realizing that he was too loud and too happy sounding.

“Later, Frank.”

When Frank went to walk past Zach with his lunch, he stopped him with a hand on Frank’s arm. He froze but Zach still looked in good spirits, “You going on a date or something, Iero?”

“Yeah!” He said, eager to take the excuse, “Yes, I am.”

“That’s great! What’s her name?” Zach grinned.

Fuck.

Like a deer in the headlights, he stared at Zach. The clock on the wall chimed and signaled the start of Frank’s shift. Startled, he said, “Brian. Anyway! See you around!”

…

The Grind and Gear skate shop was a fairly small looking building on the outside but as soon as he stepped in, he was poorly mistaken. Like some kind of Doctor Who effect, it was bigger on the inside. Well, in length anyway. It was attached to a strip mall but he hadn’t expected it to be so deep. The outside of the shop donned a neon purple sign and some Tony Hawk posters but the inside was coated with posters and art and skate decks.

Frank was busy looking at a signed picture of Joan Jett when, behind him, he heard, “Hey!”

He turned around, startled, seeing - who he guessed - was Brian. He was roughly the same height as Frank, covered in tattoos, and had some interesting sideburns. It wasn’t until Brian gave him a curious look that Frank realized he might’ve been checking him out a bit.

“Uh.” He said smartly, “I like your pants.”

“Thanks.” He sorta laughed and stuck out his hand, “Frank, right?”

“Yeah! Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t have time to change. I came straight from work.” Frank smoothed down his shirt after they shook hands.

“This is a skate shop, dude. No one’s judging your Staples uniform.” He gestured for Frank to follow him to the checkout desk where an office chair sat in front of it, “So how do you know Gerard?”

He sat in the chair and watched Brian fish some papers out from under the desk, “The thing is that I don’t. Not really. We just sorta met at a party.”

“Really?” Brian asked, on the verge of incredulous.

Frank shrugged, “I told him that Staples was sucking the life out of me and he gave me your number.”

“Damn.” He set the papers on the desk, “You must  _ really  _ special then for that quick of a judgment.”

He didn’t exactly know what that meant but before he could ask, Brian slid a pen and a form across the table, asking for Frank to fill it out. It was simple stuff like his address, his bank information, etc. When he was done, he slid it back to Brian and he glanced it over, giving Frank a nod.

“Alright. So I have three main rules: No weed, no girlfriends, and if you’re confused, ask. You might think there are dumb questions but I would rather you ask then damage something of mine. I also have three questions.” He looked up at Frank and waited for him to give him the okay to ask, “Can you skate?”

“Fucking badly. I used to when I was younger but I broke my ankle. Not so much anymore.” He admitted.

“Hey, I’ll take it. What’s your favorite band?”

“Black Flag.”

Brian looked impressed, “No shit. Okay, so… are you by any chance a neo-nazi, homophobe, or a male chauvinist?”

“God, no.” Frank’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, “Has that been a problem before?”

“Unfortunately.” He said in a way that led Frank to believe it was an understatement, “So your hours here - you’re available nearly every day of the week, which is good. I just lost a guy to a college in New York so you came in at pretty much the best timing. I give everyone the option of two days off a week and the guy that quit had Fridays and Sundays off - how’s that?”

After realizing that that meant he got the job, he said, failing to mask his excitement, “Yeah, man, it’s perfect.”

“Great.” Brian grinned and wrote it down, “Have you put in your two weeks, yet?”

“Not yet but I will.”

“Good.” He stacked his papers in a neat stack and looked behind him at a clock, “That went quicker than I planned. You already got my number. Let me know when you put in your two weeks and we’ll set up a schedule for you, alright?”

…

“Y’know, I dated a Gerard once. Maybe it’s the same guy. Wonder how he’s doing these days.” Bert thought aloud.

The Denny’s by their apartment was nearly empty at half-past midnight. They’d been there for about an hour but Frank really wanted some celebratory ice cream so they ended up staying longer. Frank was catching Bert up on the weird party and the interview while Bert mostly stared and listened.

“Small enough town, it could be.” Frank shrugged and took his last bite of ice cream.

“Maybe.” He paused, “You done?”

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

There weren’t many nights that they got to hang out or go out to eat but there were still enough for the night shift at Denny’s to know them by name. In the parking lot, they leaned against the side of Frank’s car and shared a cigarette. Bert had sworn that he had more than just one left but Frank didn’t care, not really. It was fine and quiet between them for a moment but Frank knew other things were on Bert’s mind when he watched Frank smoke instead of staring off at the city lights. Frank let him have the last of the cigarette and was purely surprised when Bert flicked it away and pushed Frank against the car, kissing him hard.

It was kinda funny, really, how quick Bert could get him from 0 to 100.

His hands were in Frank’s hair and on his chest and on his waist. He was desperate and needy and incessant and everything Frank needed.

“I love it,” he managed to get out, “when you kiss me.”

“I know,” Bert said and sank to his knees.

Oddly enough, they’d kissed in a Denny’s parking lot before. But this was Frank’s first Denny’s parking lot blowjob.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bert/frank warning toward the end there. sorry this took so fucking long to update this. motivation in this quarantine is running at an all time low. lemme know whatcha think ;)

“How was your date?” Zach asked when he saw Frank in the break room.

“What date?” Frank replied absently, putting his lunch in the microwave.

“You said you had a date,” he said, “with someone named Brian.”

“Oh!” He spun around to look at Zach, “It was good.”

Zach was obviously uncomfortable discussing the subject and up until then, Frank forgot that he never came out to anyone at work. He was just glad that Zach was trying to be a good sport about it, “Did you guys go anywhere?”

Frank was a quick liar, though, so he said, “Yeah, just out to eat. That new Italian place by the mall.”

“Oh, good! I hear that place is really nice.” He smiled, taking a drink out of his mug after.

He gave Zach a nod in agreement and after an awkward beat, the microwave beeped, giving him an excuse to leave and eat his cheese pizza in the next room. He made a mistake and dug his grave even deeper in literally two minutes. How he was going to put in his two weeks, he didn’t know. 

After lunch, and successfully avoiding Zach for 20 minutes, Frank was back to stocking shelves and trying not to hum along to the stupid radio station that played Wonderwall every hour. His mind was a haze of opening boxes, breaking boxes down, and staring at neon green sticky notes when he saw Mikey’s brother in the pen aisle. He had a box of gel pens that he was going to stock, totally on autopilot, when he stopped dead in his tracks. It wasn’t like a movie moment or anything, he was just shocked to see someone he knew at his work other than his bandmates. 

Gerard didn’t seem to notice Frank’s post-daze stare at first so he made sure to keep his expression neutral, if not happy, when he approached, “Hey, man.”

He startled but quickly recovered, giving Frank a warm smile, “Hey!”

“What are you doing here?” Frank asked, setting down the box of pens near the display.

Kneeling down to the bottom shelf, he said, “Oh, I’m just getting these sparkly pens for my diary.”

Frank laughed out of his nose, “Oh, really?”

Gerard rolled his eyes at Frank’s tone, standing up, “You told me you worked at Staples but I didn’t know which one. Mikey told me it was this one.”

Ignoring the fact that Gerard came to his work to see him, he asked, “Wait, there’s another Staples in town?”

“Well, sort of. It’s a little outside of town just off of Highway-”

“Hey! Iero,” Zach said from behind him, making Frank jump, “just wanted to say I’m heading out for the night but there’s some paperwork for you on my desk. Sorry to interrupt.”

“No, you’re fine.” Frank waved it away, “He’s a friend.”

He nodded, “Cool. Tell Brian I said hi!”

Gerard waited till Zach was well away before he said, “Does your boss know about Brian?”

He, honest to God, couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. He tried to stop it but it just sorta came out. Huh. Just like him, he supposed, “No, no. He thinks I’m dating Brian.”

“You’re dating Brian?” His eyes nearly popped out of his head.

“No!” Frank stuck his hands out, “No, I fucked up when he asked me who I was talking to on the phone and he asked if it was a date and I said yes and I sorta said Brian instead of Brenda.”

The look on Gerard’s face was stupid. His eyes were still wide but more in amazement more than anything else and his mouth was open, curling upwards as if he were trying not to grin. He still had the metallic gel pens in his hand, too. Frank could see why he might’ve been hanging out by himself at the party they went to.

“What?” Frank fidgeted nervously.

“I just…” He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, “That really is a weird situation you’ve put yourself in. Wonder what Brian will say when he finds out he has a boyfriend.”

Frank took a step forward, fearing someone might have heard him, “Will you shut your mouth?”

Gerard backed off, “Yeah. Brian would think it’s funny, just so you know. He gets off on that sort of thing.”

He scowled.

“Okay! Okay,” he giggled, making Frank smile despite himself, “now I’m done.”

They sort of just stared at each other for a second.

Frank gestured to the sparkly pens, “Are you gonna buy those?”

“Uh, no.” He put them back, “I actually came here to ask if you wanted to hang out. Later tonight.”

“Um,” Frank paused, thinking about Bert’s early morning promise to ‘fuck him after he got off work’. He mentally shook himself, “Yeah, I want to. Will it just be us, or?”

“Oh! Uh, Mikey and his friend Ray will be there. Our friend, I mean.” Gerard looked shy all of a sudden, his hair falling into his eyes. Now that he didn’t have pens to hold, he just sort of shoved his hands in his pockets.

“That’s cool. I need more friends anyway.” Frank smirked, letting Gerard know everything was alright, “I just need to let my roommate know I’ve got plans.”

“Did you guys already have something planned?” He looked worried, “I don’t wanna-”

“He’ll understand. What we wanted to do can be done at any time, really. We weren’t going to Disney.” 

Gerard’s laugh was awkward, “Awesome, okay. I’ll text you where to meet us, then.”

“Sounds good.”

Frank watched as Gerard took a step forward to leave, stopped, turned, and grabbed the sparkly pens, “Shut up, they’re nice.”

… 

After Frank clocked out, he went upstairs to Zach’s office. He passed a couple of people, kept his head low, and offered an awkward smile if the person stared too long. Zach’s office was looking a little more empty. Frank suspected he started cleaning up to move offices. He didn’t dwell long, just grabbed the papers on the desk that had a sticky note on them addressed to Frank, and walked out. He sped out of the building and didn't look at the papers until he got to his car. 

Frank skimmed a few of them and the overall message was: Sign Here to Give Staples Your Life. 

“Fucks sake.” He groaned and threw them in the backseat of his car, choosing not to deal with Zach and his bullshit right then, driving toward home.

After setting his things down with a huff on the kitchen counter, he turned around and nearly fucking screamed when Bert was stood directly in front of him, a grin on his face. Up until that point, he’d completely forgotten about their after-work deal. Frank just sighed and wrapped his arms around Bert’s middle.

“Woah,” he stepped back, hands on Frank’s shoulders, “you good?”

“Just - issues at work.” He sighed, “I think I’m gonna go hang out with some of Mikey’s friends tonight.”

Bert beamed, “That’s good! I trust Mikey, he’s a good kid.”

“You sound like my mom.” He scowled, making Bert giggle. Bert had always had the cutest giggle.

“Fuck off, asshole.” His hands dropped from Frank’s shoulders.

He pretended he wasn’t upset by the loss of contact, “But you’re still gonna keep your promise, okay? Just a little later in the night.”

“Okay.” He paused, “And I’m not upset.”

“I know.” 

Frank didn’t know but it felt good to hear Bert say so, anyway.

“Hey, man.” He sighed and pulled him in for a hug. When he pulled away, he said, “I’ll let you borrow my lucky shirt, come on.”

…

Frank stood outside of a pizzeria in Bert’s lucky shirt, nervous. Bert’s lucky shirt was a plain maroon shirt that coined the term ‘lucky’ a few years ago in a freak series of events winning him 70 bucks, a new car, and a date with a cheerleader. It was lucky on a smaller scale now. Frank had only worn it once before to a concert so he could get front row. It worked so of course he was convinced it was lucky. 

How fucking stupid he was, he thought, standing outside of a pizzeria wearing a  _ lucky shirt _ in hopes that things go well with a boy he thinks is cute. Was he 13? God.

He didn’t have much time to mope, though, because soon enough, a minivan pulled up and out popped Mikey, running over to give Frank a quick hug and apologize for the shit he pulled at the party awhile back. Frank said it wasn’t a big deal and asked about Miranda. He got all shy after that, it was fucking  _ golden _ . He introduced Frank to their friend Ray who he got along with almost immediately when he said ‘I like your Clash shirt’ to which Ray said, “Mikey, you didn’t tell me he had  _ taste _ !” Gerard sort of fell out of the van’s side door and grinned at Frank once he closed the door behind him. Frank tried not to give himself away too much and held the pizzeria door open for him while the others were already inside.

“Thanks,” he said, “That’s a nice color on you.”

Frank watched him nod to the shirt, “Thanks.”

When they ordered and found a place to sit, it was awkward for a beat. Gerard almost got the seat next to Frank but Mikey slid in beside him in the booth before Gerard could. Frank pretended not to notice his face change. He did get the spot in front of him, though. He would’ve expected Gerard to be the one to start a conversation, given that he was the one that invited Frank but it was Ray.

“So what do you do, Frank?” 

“Oh, uh. I work at Staples but I’m about to put in my two weeks.” He shrugged, “I found a new job at a skate shop.”

Ray nodded, “Do you skate?”

“Badly.” He chuckled, earning the same from everyone around him.

“Well, what do you do outside of work?” He asked.

Mikey snickered, “What is this? 20 questions?”

“Shut up!” Ray kicked at Mikey from under the table, making Mikey laugh, “I’m just trying to get to know this dude I know buttfuck nothing about.”

“I don’t mind, really.” Frank offered, “I’m in a band. Pencey Prep.”

Ray stopped pestering Mikey and looked surprised, “Shit! I know you guys!”

The conversation took a turn towards music and Frank was nearly positive that Mikey and Gerard didn’t get a word in when they started talking about guitars. Ray was apparently a god at guitar. Mikey played bass, which Frank  _ knew _ , but he’d supposedly gotten a fuck ton better since he’d last heard him play.

“What about you, Gerard?” Frank asked, hopeful.

He fidgeted with the zipper on his jacket, “I sing, mostly. I can play guitar but Lord knows not enough to play live.”

“Hey, we all start somewhere.” Frank gave him a warm smile.

The pizza came after that. 

After an incident with some pizza sauce that left Frank to wipe himself clean in the bathroom while Gerard giggled beside him, they were done. A few ideas were pitched around to see what they could do so late at night. Mikey ended up joking around about a skate park nearby within walking distance. It was usually closed at night but generally, you could see teenagers that broke in, smoking cigarettes and making out.

“I think it’d be funny to go scare ‘em.” Mikey said.

Frank scoffed, “I used to be one of those kids a year ago. I’m all for it.”

They ended up walking toward the park and leaving the minivan at the pizza place, promising to come back to it. Frank was walking beside Mikey while Ray and Gerard kept close behind. Sometimes Frank would look back and see them whispering to each other. Sometimes Gerard would be looking at him. 

“Why do you keep doing that?” Mikey asked eventually.

Frank shrugged, all innocent, “Doing what?”

“You keep…” he trailed off and looked at Frank, “oh. That’s why he invited you.”

He kept quiet, trying to stay as neutral as possible. Mikey knew almost everything about him but he did  _ not _ need to know that Gerard had been occupying his thoughts since he showed up at Staples. He was about to say something else, shooting a look back to Gerard, but Frank cut him off, pointing at a flickering street light that lit up what looked like a ramp.

“That’s it.” He grinned and turned around to wave Gerard and Ray closer, “It’s a chain-link fence with a lock. It’s easy to climb.”

Frank demonstrated by grabbing onto the fence high up, placing his foot in one of the holes, hoisting himself up, slinging one leg over, and jumping to the ground. He made a grand gesture afterward which earned him a mumbled ‘tiny ass show off’. Frank just rolled his eyes and smiled.

“So, who’s going next? I can help.” He stood and waited for one of them to say something.

Eventually, Ray kicked at Gerard, making him stumble forward. He stared back at them before looking at Frank expectantly, placing his hands on the fence. Frank instructed him carefully and they nearly got out of it scott free when all of a sudden, as Gerard was straddling the fence, trying to measure how far the ground was from his position, a bright ass light shown on them.

“Hey!” The voice sounded gruff and way too much like an angry cop, “What the hell are you kids doing?!”

“Split!” Mikey yelled and took off with Ray.

“Shit, Gerard! Jump! I’ve got you!” Frank held out his arms, staring up at him with pleading eyes.

It took him maybe half a second to do it but it felt like an eternity before Gerard was crashing into him, nearly knocking Frank to the ground. Frank helped Gerard steady himself, checked over him in a rush to make sure he was unscathed, pushing back his hair and saying:

“Can you run?”

“Yeah.” He breathed.

Frank grabbed his hand, “Then fucking do it!”

They dashed off and ducked under broken fences and people’s yards, the bright light following them for a few blocks as they ran for their fucking lives. Frank couldn’t get in trouble with the cops again, his mom would fucking  _ kill _ him. He gripped Gerard tight and kept him in tow, looking back occasionally to see if they guy/cop/angry old man was still following them. After about five minutes, the light stopped and turned the other direction, yelling curses at them, giving up.

They stopped dead in the middle of the street in some nice neighborhood, hand in hand, and heaved out shuddering breaths. Frank barely made eye contact with Gerard before the two of them started laughing their asses off. He didn’t know why it was so funny all of a sudden but it was fucking hilarious. Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand before he let go, smoothing his hair down.

“Holy shit.” He grinned, looking manic.

Frank grinned, knowing he probably looked the same, “Yeah. Shit.”

Gerard took in a few more gulps of air before saying, “We should get back to the minivan.”

“Yeah. Uh, where are we, though?” Frank chuckled nervously, gesturing around at the houses.

“Uh. I don’t know.” He patted at his pockets, “Fuck, I left my phone in the car.”

“I’ve got mine. I’ll call Mikey.” He got out his phone and pressed 5. Mikey put him on speed dial all those years ago and he kept it, even when he switched phones, “Hey, man.”

“You make it out alive?” He asked, fuzzy down the receiver.

Frank snorted, “Barely. We’re lost, though. We’re on… Catherine Ave. There’s a big ass green house at the end of the street. Mind picking us up?”

“Yeah, we’ll find you and return you to your own car, Frankie.” He joked before turning serious, “Gerard okay?” 

He sent a glance to Gerard, “Yeah. Shaken, but okay.”

“Alright. Good. See you in a sec.” And with that, he hung up.

“He’s gonna meet us by the green house.” Frank explained and Gerard nodded, following him down the street.

The neighborhood was actually really nice. Like super nice. The kind of nice he would’ve dreamed of as a kid. He’d see the preps at his old Catholic school and just knew they lived in a house like the one he was standing outside of with Gerard. Big, spacious, family of four - it was perfect. He refused to feel anything about it, though, not while Gerard was with him. 

They ended up sitting on the curb while they waited. Gerard caught his breath after a while and Frank just listened to him breathe in the near dark to keep calm. The fact that it was even comforting was strange to him. 

He broke the silence so he didn’t go insane, “I know we just ran from the fucking cops but - but I had fun tonight, Gerard.”

“Yeah?” He smiled, barely visible between lamp posts, “Even when I got marinara sauce all over your face?”

“Especially when you got marinara sauce on my face.” He giggled, “It’s just - it’s good, y’know? I feel good.”

“You feel good.” Gerard repeated, his voice going soft, “Hey, um, would you maybe…? Maybe wanna like-”

Frank cut him off, not caring if he sounded eager, “I’d love to.” 

“Awesome.” Gerard mumbled, “When are you free?”

“Tonight, tomorrow, Easter.” 

“Frank,” Gerard said flatly, bumping his shoulder.

“Fine! I’m off this Sunday.” He admitted, “We could… get brunch?”

“Ooo, that sounds good. Sounds like something adults would do, right?” He laughed and Frank couldn’t help but do the same, “Fuck it, how’s Denny’s?”

“Fucking love Denny’s, dude.” He tried to hold back the cringe that fought its way onto his face after calling his potential date ‘dude’.

Gerard didn’t seem to notice, “Alright… can you be up by 11? I can pick you up.”

The minivan turned the corner and came within sight as Frank said, “Absolutely. I’ll text you my address.”

They ended up lumped in the very back seat together, teasing Ray and Mikey back when they were made fun of for getting lost. As they zigzagged their way through the suburban streets back to the pizzeria, Frank felt something touch his hand. He didn’t pull away and didn’t look, though, knowing exactly who/what it was. When Frank didn’t pull away, Gerard laced their fingers together. Frank allowed himself a glance in Gerard’s direction and had to look away before he got caught. Gerard was turned toward the window, biting his finger. 

God. Sunday.

…

When Frank had asked Bert to ‘be gentle’ with him, it took some uncomfortable explaining for Bert to know exactly what Frank wanted. It was a lot like the only time Bert had been gentle with him but this time Frank didn’t read a million miles into it, knowing it was because he asked. Bert liked to give Frank what he wanted. Fuck, he liked to give in general, really. It was entertaining.

Bert was nursing a bruise on Frank’s shoulder with his tongue, one of his hands almost petting his hip as he rocked into him slowly. They’d been fucking for a long ass time but they were still so incredibly into it. Frank loved feeling used, loved it when someone gave him attention for long periods of time. He reached up and ran his fingers through Bert’s hair.

“There’s - there’s this boy.” He said.

There was a comical ‘pop’ when he lifted his head from Frank’s shoulder, “Yeah? He one of Mikey’s friends?”

“Yeah. Fuck.” He said when Bert bit his nipple, “Asshole. I really like him. We have a date on Sunday.”

“He cute?” Bert breathed, his hand slipping off of Frank’s hip as he adjusted his angle.

Frank groaned both from the memory of Gerard blushing in the lamplight and from Bert biting him where it felt good, “Fucking beautiful.”

It was quiet for a second other than Bert’s breathing and the occasional whisper of a whine coming from Frank. He wrapped his legs around Bert when he pressed their foreheads together, giggling to himself.

“What?” Bert asked.

Frank held back a smirk, “We held hands.”

“You held fucking hands.” He laughed and grabbed a handful of his thigh, hitting Frank’s prostate dead-on, “God, you’re so cute.”

He moaned and said, “Kiss me like you mean it.”

And fuck, did he.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye sorry for the wait - here is the long awaited brunch!

“I haven’t done brunch since I was like 12.” Frank blurted to Bert who he woke up with his worried pacing, “And then it was because I had to go with my family after Mass.”

“Dude.” Bert pinched the bridge of his nose. He was curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him, hair a mess, “You’ll be fine. What’s this dude’s name again?”

“Gerard!” Frank said when he saw him through the door’s peephole. He opened it before Gerard could knock, totally making him look eager, like he was waiting - which he  _ was _ but whatever. 

“Hey.” Gerard looked nervous. He was wearing a cardigan and a pair of ripped jeans.

“I, uh, I like your outfit.” He cleared his throat, “Wanna come in for a sec?”

“Sure, yeah.” He stepped in through the doorway and the atmosphere changed so fast it was weird, “Bert.”

Bert stared at Gerard, hand frozen where it had been twirling his hair, “Hi, Gerard.”

“I didn’t - well, I didn’t know you two knew each other.” He pulled at his shirt and sent a look to Frank that he couldn’t decipher.

“We’ve been friends since high school.” Frank explained, “Roommates only for a year or so.”

“I see. Well, uh, it’s - it’s good to see you.” His smile seemed a little shaky and Frank took that as his cue.

He snatched his jacket off the back of a chair and went over to Bert, giving him a mocking kiss on the head, “Go back to sleep.”

“Fuck off. You’re the one who woke me up. I’m stealing five bucks to buy me some Monster.” He yelled back at Frank as he ushered Gerard back out.

“Whatever! Love you!” He called back.

“Good luck, assface!” 

Frank closed the door and sighed. Gerard looked a little shaken, “Hey, sorry. If I had known you and Bert had a history, I wouldn’t have let you in.”

He shook his head, “No, no. I was really glad to see him. It’s… well, it’s a bit of a long story.”

“Well, I’ve got all day.” Frank smiled.

Gerard’s face relaxed, “Alright. Well, it started about senior year of high school.”

As it turned out, Gerard and Bert had dated for quite a long time. Gerard was convinced he was going to marry Bert one day if and when it would be an option in Jersey. He’d been pretty closeted, though, and one night his mom found his journal and found out about him and Bert. He’d been forced to change schools and his parents even changed their phone number so Bert couldn’t call. Gerard had snuck out a few times just to get a few last moments with Bert.

“I never got to say goodbye, was the thing.” He said, parked in front of Denny’s, “We met up about three times but I never - I don’t remember ever telling him goodbye. The last time we talked, I just cried the whole time, it was awful. My family ended up going on vacation to Florida after the school year and I never saw him again. Until - until today.”

“Oh, fuck.” Frank said, “Well, if you ever wanna come over and talk to him, I don’t care. He’s - I’m sure he wouldn’t mind clearing things up.”

“Are you sure?” He turned the car off, fiddling with his keys.

Frank decided to be bold and touched his knee, “I’m positive. He’s an asshole, yeah, but he’s understanding. He’s talked about you a few times but never gave me a name. Said it was secret.”

“What did he say?” 

He shrugged, “Mostly just said that there was this guy he couldn’t get out of his head cause it ended on a strange note.” 

“Huh.” He said, “It was… I’d like to hang out with you guys. I think it would be easier with you there.”

Frank smiled, “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Do you wanna, um.” Gerard sort of gestured to the building.

“Yeah,” he said and got out of the car when Gerard did.

It was weird to go into Denny’s when it wasn’t nearing midnight. No one there recognized him and it was almost nice. He wouldn’t know how to explain to the staff that the guy he usually came in with wasn’t his boyfriend despite the fact that they’d been caught making out in the parking lot several times. Alright, uh, not exactly the best time to be thinking about that. They got a booth by a window and drank black coffee while they waited for their pancakes.

Frank had leaned forward some time ago just to be able to hear Gerard clearly and he’d done the same at one point or another. Occasionally, Gerard’s foot would touch Frank’s leg and make the two of them look at each other. Like fucking high schoolers, Frank thought.

Gerard was the one to open the stereotypical get-to-know-you conversation, “Y’know, I don’t exactly know much about you.”

He put down his coffee and cleared his throat when their legs bumped for a fraction of a second, “Really? I would’ve thought Mikey would say something.”

“Maybe he did. He doesn’t always use specific names.” He shrugged.

“Alright,” he settled into the seat, “what would you like to know?”

“First off, I wanna know how you’re holding up. Are things different than how they were at the party?” He asked.

Frank had to think for a second, tapping his finger on the table. Things weren’t terrible. They were looking up. He was still annoyed with Zach and Staples but Brian seemed like a really nice guy. He’d yet to put in his two weeks which fucking sucked but was something he could easily do the next day if he wanted to. His life just felt like melancholy on most days. 

He told Gerard as much.

“Hey, indifferent is a step away from bad.” He encouraged and Frank couldn’t object because the pancakes came a second after.

…

“-and that’s when I moved back home. Well, not immediately after since I needed to graduate but after that, I just - there was something more that I had to do and it wasn’t in New York.” 

They were done eating and were just talking by then. Frank wasn’t sure what time it was or how they’d gotten on the topic of 9/11 but Gerard was distraught, staring at the table. He wasn’t entirely sure how to comfort him because he’d experienced the same thing. He reached across the table and put his hand near where Gerard’s were. Without looking up, Gerard put his hand in Frank’s, running his fingertips over the fresh black nail polish on Frank’s nails. It wasn’t much but Gerard relaxed.

“I guess I’ve never really talked about that with anyone.” He chuckled, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, dude. I may not have been in New York but Jersey’s damn close.” Frank said firmly.

Surprisingly, Gerard laughed, “You know, I read this article once about how queer people talk to each other versus straight people.”

He tried not to look shocked about the subject change, “Oh?”

“Yeah.” He looked up at Frank, “We tend to share our life stories and bad experiences early on because we don’t know anyone who could understand us better than one of our own.”

Something in Frank’s chest tightened and he could only assume he was looking at Gerard with hearts in his eyes, “You’re so fucking weird.”

They stared at each other, smiling, and promptly burst into a fit of giggles. Gerard gripped Frank’s hand tightly and tried to compose himself but that just made Frank laugh even more which then made  _ Gerard _ laugh. It felt like it went on forever.

“So,” he took in a big breath, “you read articles.”

“I read articles.” Gerard grinned.

“And I know how 9/11 impacted you.” 

His smile fell a bit but not all the way, “And I know about your religious guilt.”

Frank had sorta forgotten he’d told Gerard about Catholic school but chuckled nonetheless, “So we’re even.”

“We’re even.”

Gerard had to drop Frank off at home after that because he had plans but the way he looked torn about leaving really made Frank feel special. He’d already suspected that Gerard liked him and he knew it was a fact when he mentioned that article he read. Despite the fact that Gerard was running late, he sat parked with Frank in front of his apartment for a while, just talking. He wasn’t even sure what about anymore. Maybe he just liked hearing Gerard talk. 

“We should definitely go out again.” Frank agreed, trying not to seem too excited by the concept.

“Okay, how about this,” he lifted a finger, “we can go out again but… you need to put in your two weeks.”

“What!?” Frank pretended to be mad, his smile giving him away almost immediately, “That’s unfair.”

“Call it an incentive.” He looked at the clock near the car radio and swore under his breath, “Fuck, Brian’s gonna kill me. Call me, okay?”

He looked at Gerard’s lips, “Shit, yeah. See you?”

That got Gerard’s attention, spacing out for a second before stuttering, “Y-yeah.”

“I, uh.” Frank started but he didn’t really know where he was going with it. He ended up opening the car door, “Bye, Gerard.”

“Bye Frankie.” He said and Frank shut the door.

…

Around 5 o’clock, Frank got a call from Gerard. He’d been sitting on Bert’s bed while he was getting ready for work, moving around the room as Frank told him about his date. He seemed up for hanging out with him and Gerard, which was good. When his phone rang, Bert answered it for him, calling Frank lazy when he said to just toss it to him.

“Frank Iero’s phone, to whom may I be speaking with?” He said and a beat later, he snickered, “If that’s the case, then get my number from Frank. Speaking of the devil, do you wanna talk to him?”

Bert tossed him the phone and went back to putting a belt on, “Hey, sorry about-”

“I totally should’ve kissed you,” Gerard said.

Frank blinked.

“I thought about it and it looked like you were thinking about it and - and I didn’t do it.” He sighed, “Sorry, I was thinking about it all day.”

“You’re fine! I’ll put in my two weeks tomorrow. You can come over sometime and do it then, yeah?” He seriously had no idea how he was staying so calm. The idea of kissing Gerard made him feel warm all over. Like a fucking high schooler. Middle school, even.

There was a pause, “I don’t know what my schedule is next week, fuck. I’m gonna look at that and then I’m gonna kiss you the next time I see you.”

“Ignoring the ‘no kissing on the second date’ thing, huh?” Frank teased.

“First off, that rule is bullshit. Second, it’s kissing on the first date.” He sounded a little angry, it was kinda hot, “But… but I had fun. Today. You’re - I like you. I mean, I liked you before but being able to be together like that I - well, it just confirmed it.”

Frank was grinning so hard that it hurt, “I like you, too, Gerard.”

He giggled, “Nice. Uh - well… yeah. Put in your two weeks and call me.”

“I will. Goodnight, Gerard.”

The smile in his voice was as loud as his words, “Goodnight, Frank.”

Just as Frank hung up, Bert jumped on the bed, pinning Frank with his hands on either side of his head. He was unphased, though, and just smiled up at Bert. 

“You look absolutely in love. It’s sickening.” He said, his expression a complete opposite of what he was saying.

Frank hummed and used one hand to pet the side of Bert’s face, “Fuck, I guess I am.”

“If you guys end up getting together, does that mean I don’t get any more kisses goodbye?” He teased.

“Ha!” He laughed, “I don’t really kiss you that much, anyway.”

“You have been lately.” Bert pointed out.

Frank shrugged the best he could while being pinned, “You’ve been letting me.”

“You can always kiss me, man.”

“Man,” he repeated and Bert laughed.

“Bro,” he countered.

Frank jabbed his hand into Bert’s side, making him collapse onto his side. He sat up over him, “Dude.”

“Tease,” Bert smirked and licked his face.

He sputtered and sat back, wiping his face, “Gross, Bert.”

Now that Frank was helpless, wiping spit away with his sleeve, Bert took the opportunity to grab the back of his head and kiss his temple, “I’m only fucking with you. I’m off, now. Don’t wait up for me.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” He mumbled and watched Bert go.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever. it was particularly difficult to write. HUGE TW for alcoholism and relapse

Frank had so far managed to avoid Zach all day. He had a note in his pocket, a written note that said he would be leaving in two weeks and what his last day would be. He was nervous, he’d admit, but was more excited to call Gerard after work to tell him he was two weeks away from freedom. It was nearing the end of his shift and he was in the back opening boxes from a shipment that came in late. It was this new kind of printer ink that was made for glossy paper or something, he didn’t really care. He was just carefully sending glances to the clock on the wall as he broke down boxes and sliced through tape. 

He was just about to let one of the overnight stockers know that the printer ink was ready to go when he nearly ran into a woman.

“Frank,” she said when he apologized and he stopped to look at her.

“Lucinda, right?” He asked.

She nodded, “Did Zach not tell you about this meeting as well?”

Frank froze, “He did not.”

“I see.” Her gaze turned cold, “I guess I should have a talk with him about that. Just make sure to meet us upstairs after your shift.”

She started to walk away but Frank caught up to her and shoved his hand in his pocket. She took the crumpled note, her lips parted in slight disgust. Lucinda looked at him for an answer.

“Just - give that to Zach. Please.” He added.

“Alright.” She said, not looking at him.

Frank went into the back room again and ripped apart the boxes he opened, throwing them into the baler. He was pissed. He told Zach that he would make a decision in a couple of week's time but apparently not saying no meant it was okay to tell others that he said yes. That wasn’t how it fucking worked. He gave Lucille his note. He put in his two weeks. By the time that the clock rang, Frank had baled enough boxes for the machine to be full and told that fact to someone who was way more qualified to move it than he. 

When Frank went to leave after clocking out, he saw Zach standing near the customer service desk, the note in his hands. Lucinda stood nearby, looking indifferent while he stared at the page. Frank didn’t hesitate to leave the building.

In the car, he got out his phone and dialed Gerard. They’d texted back and forth since they’d last seen each other and unfortunately, Frank hadn’t kept his promise of quitting the next day like he had said he would, making Gerard - quote - ‘wait to see Frank again’.

He huffed when it went to voicemail but left a message anyway.

“Hey, um, some shit just went down at work. Zach told them I was taking the job when I didn’t say that I was. I gave them a written two weeks notice and left so - I don’t know. I wanted to call you. I’m free the rest of the night if you’re up for it but just shoot me a text. See you, Gee.” He sighed when he hung up.

Bert got home around 1 am and Frank was still awake. It was unlike Gerard not to answer back for an entire day. Frank wasn’t clingy or anything, he was just worried. Bert found him sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee and sighed, sitting next to him, taking the mug from his hands, and replacing it with one of his own. Frank looked up at him and gave him a sad smile. Bert always knew when shit was up with Frank. Like a sixth sense, if Frank was having a particularly shit day, Bert would swoop in and wouldn’t leave him alone until he was feeling better. Sure, on most days, Frank felt a mixture of wanting to strangle him and kiss him but when it came to actually being his best friend, Bert was pretty fantastic at it. 

“What do I always tell you?” He asked.

“Not to wait up for you,” Frank mumbled.

Bert sighed, “Do you work tomorrow?”

He shook his head.

“Alright,” he sighed again, “I have to eat something - do you want me to make you some tea or something while I’m in the kitchen? Fuckhead?”

Frank smiled at the added insult. Bert typically added one in when he was being sweet, “Yeah.”

When Bert started moving around the kitchen, Frank hopped up on the counter to watch him. Bert just sorta talked about his day and bumped Frank’s knees when he walked past, filling the silence. While Bert’s microwave pasta was heating up and Frank’s tea was brewing, he stood between Frank’s legs, his back facing him. He was sorta playing with Bert’s hair but not really. Just sort of running his hair through tangles and teasing him about buying conditioner.

At the same time the microwave went off, so did Frank’s phone. He didn’t recognize the number and let it go to voicemail. Bert was putting a spoonful of sugar into a mug when his phone went off again, that same number.

“Hello?” He asked, exasperated. Who the fuck would be calling him so early?

“Hey, Frankie.” It was Gerard, “I’m sorry. I, uh, I left my phone in Ray’s car. I think he left already since I - well, I said someone else would be taking me home. I don’t know why I said that.”

Bert looked over at Frank and asked who he was talking to, “Gerard? Is everything alright?”

There was a long pause. Frank could hear him breathing down the phone.

“I’m drunk, Frank.” He sighed, “I tried calling Ray and Mikey but I think they’re asleep. I just - I need a ride home. I don’t think I’m in any kind of state to get a taxi.”

Frank tried not to think too hard about all of that, “Well, at least you’re self-aware. Do you know where you are?”

“Uh,” he sniffed, “Hoboken.”

“Ho - why are you in _Hoboken_?” He scoffed, “Fucking - I don’t care why. You got an address that might be helpful?”

“I’m at a venue.” He said, sounding far away.

“Yes,” Frank said, trying to be patient, “but do you have an address?”

“Oh.” Gerard rattled off a slurred address and Frank hoped it was correct. 

“Will - will you be okay? Are you somewhere around other people?” He asked, knowing full well his mother had said the same thing to him more times than he’d care to count.

There was a muffled cough, “Yeah. The staff is letting me use their phone. Thanks, by the way.”

He talked to someone off to the side for a second while Frank shared an uneasy glance with Bert. 

“Yeah, I’ll stay inside. Be safe and shit. They’re gonna - they’re gonna, uh, tell the security guys what you look like so they can let me out.” 

“Thank fuck.” Frank sighed, “Good. I’ll be wearing… a Thursday hoodie.”

“Hey, I know Thursday!”

“We can talk about them after I pick you up, okay?” 

Gerard said, “That’s fair.”

“Bye, Gerard,” Frank replied and hung up.

The air in the kitchen was suddenly heavy. Bert had stopped making the tea completely by then, looking about as concerned as Frank felt. He let out a breath and put his phone on the counter so he could rub his eyes. There was a lot going on in his head. He had no idea where to start.

“Gerard-” Bert started.

Frank cut him off, “He’s wasted.”

A pause.

“Shit.” He lamented, “Fuck.”

“Yeah.” He agreed, “Fuck.”

…

“Shit, shit, shit.” Frank chanted under his breath as he pulled up to the venue.

It was an old brick building with a dead neon sign and a man standing out front wearing a winter coat. Frank was late. Well, there really hadn’t been a time limit but it was still late by his standards. He’d gotten lost and had to ask this guy at a gas station where the venue was in order to get to it. Frank was glad he’d even gotten there at all. 

When Frank stepped out of the car, the guy looked up, “I’m-”

“Here for the drunk guy?” He finished for him, “And you’re wearing the Thursday hoodie like he said. Wait here.”

Frank knew he didn’t have a choice but nodded anyway. He waited for nearly five minutes, stood against his car in the cool night. He wanted to slap Gerard. He wanted to grab him by his shoulders and demand why the _fuck_ he would break his sobriety streak. But he also wanted to wrap him up, to take him home, and wait until he was sober enough to answer his questions. He was pissed - _livid_ \- but so incredibly sad. Frank remembered when he relapsed. How broken he’d been. How he’d just wanted to feel good after feeling terrible for so long.

When the door opened and Gerard stepped out, Frank released the grip he’d had on himself, leaving nail-shaped indents on his arm. 

“Hey,” Frank said calmly.

Gerard came up to him and wrapped his arms around Frank. He was a heavy weight, nearly pushing Frank back against his car again. He returned the hug, though, and ignored the smell of beer on him. Gerard took in a big breath and held it, probably trying to keep himself together. Frank knew he was doing the same thing. 

He smoothed down Gerard’s hair and said, “I’m not mad.”

He stepped away and sniffed, subtly wiping at his eye, “Good. I was worried.”

“If I was mad I wouldn’t be here. I drove to _Hoboken_ for you.” He smiled.

In the lamplight, Gerard looked a little bit like a mess. Eyes blurry, hair tangled and greasy… 

“Yeah, you did.” He smiled back, "It's only 20 minutes from home, though."

"Whatever," Frank reached out and squeezed his arm, feeling a lot more empathetic than he originally had before, “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“No!” He yelled and then covered his mouth, pointing at Frank with a weird look on his face, “Dude, I can’t go home. Mikey’ll - God, _Mikey_.”

“Hey! Hey, alright. I won’t take you home. You can…” He trailed off, “You can sleep on my couch. In the morning I’ll make you breakfast and you can take a shower.”

“You can cook?” He asked and Frank tried not to laugh.

He grabbed Gerard’s arm and led him to the passenger’s side, “Yeah. Particularly good with hangover breakfasts, too.”

“Shit, I should’ve met you sooner.” He mumbled as Frank opened the door for him.

“Just be glad you know me now.” He replied when the door was shut. 

The drive back to Frank’s was pretty quiet. Gerard tried to apologize a lot and whenever he did, Frank asked him what he was apologizing for. More often then not, he didn’t know. Just felt like he should. They didn’t need to talk about it now. Or at all, if Gerard didn’t want to. He was going to call Mikey when they got home, even if it was late. It’d be one hell of a voicemail but he should get a heads up before he talked to Gerard. Frank had only known him for however long and he was still processing it. He couldn’t imagine it happening to someone close like a brother.

Inside the apartment, it was dark. Frank looked down the hall and saw the light on in Bert’s room, relieved. When he looked at the couch, there was already a pillow and a blanket on it. Frank grinned. He was so totally gonna kiss Bert for that. 

“Come on,” Frank said softly, coaxing Gerard toward the couch.

He was pretty tired and Frank was sure he’d woken him up when they parked out front so he laid down without comment and kicked off his shoes. Frank made sure he was settled before he left, telling him goodnight.

Frank went straight for Bert’s room and he probably expected it, lifting the covers up as an invitation when he closed the door behind him. Frank stripped from everything except for his shirt, underwear, and socks. Bert held him.

“He okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Frank said, “He’s asleep.”

“Good.”

“Thank you for putting that stuff out.” He sat up so he could make eye contact, “You make this a little bit easier.”

He wasn’t talking about the couch.

Bert’s expression was soft, “I just wanted to help.”

“You did.” 

They just looked at each other for a second.

“You look like you wanna kiss me.” Bert teased.

Frank laughed, “God. When I saw the stuff on the couch, it was the only thing I could think about.”

“Really?” He looked incredulous.

“ _ Yes. _ ” He giggled.

“Fuck, you’re easy.”

“Shut up.” Frank rolled his eyes, “I gotta repay you somehow.”

“Now you sound like a porno.”

“I’m gonna smack you.” Frank threatened.

Bert grinned, “Do it. Hit me. Come on, daddy, hit-”

“Oh my  _ God _ !” Frank cut him off and kissed him, “Please shut the fuck up, I hate it when you call me that. So much.”

“I know.” He said, a warm smile on his face, “You sleeping in here tonight?"

Frank thought about it, “No, not tonight. I think I might sleep on the recliner. In case something happens.”

He was understanding, “Make sure he’s laying on his side. Learned that the hard way with you. Nearly choked on your own tongue.”

“I was never really classy back then.” He mumbled.

“Or now. That outfit you were wearing was ridiculous.” He teased and pushed at Frank till he got up, “Now go watch him. If you need me, just shout.”

“Alright.” He grabbed his clothes and before he left, he said, “Seriously, thanks.”

Bert threw a pillow at him, “Yes, yes, you’re welcome and I love you and shit.  _ Goodnight _ .”

Frank chuckled and threw the pillow back at him, closing the door before he could throw something else. He dropped his clothes off in his room and snatched a blanket for himself, going back into the living room. Gerard was asleep on his side. Thank God. Frank tried to move silently around the place and heard Gerard stir when he opened the recliner, the springs squeaking. 

Once his eyes had adjusted to the dark, he laid on his side and watched Gerard sleep. He looked peaceful. His usual frown lines were gone and the bags under his eyes didn’t look so dark. He watched Gerard stretch and sigh and itch his face, always making sure he was okay. He fell asleep when the sun started peeking through the curtains, content in knowing that Gerard would be there when he woke up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the moment you've all been waiting for...

Frank woke up after sleeping for maybe 5 hours but 5 hours was better than none. When he’d woken up, Gerard was still on the couch, dead asleep. He sighed and pushed the blanket off of him, closing the recliner into a sitting position. He watched Gerard for a second, checking him over visually. He was breathing alright, a good sign. He was definitely going to have a crick in his neck from how he was sleeping, though. Frank supposed everything to come from relapsing, a pain in Gerard’s neck was the least of his worries. 

After going to his room and putting on a pair of sweatpants, he got to work in the kitchen making his signature vegetarian egg breakfast sandwiches. Frank was putting bread in the toaster when he heard a faint thump from the living room. He smiled as he worked around the kitchen, hearing Gerard walk toward him. 

“Hey,” he grinned. Gerard’s hair was reaching impressive heights and his clothes from the day before were sitting weirdly on his body, “I made you breakfast.”

“I see.” He cleared his throat, “Do you have any painkillers?”

“Yeah,” he rummaged through one of the kitchen drawers and pulled out a bottle of generic painkillers. He quickly got him a glass of water to go along with the pills, “If you take these you need to eat everything, too.”

“Alright, Mom.” He mumbled and downed the pills and water.

Frank rolled his eyes and put their sandwiches on plates, “Well, hey, someone’s gotta make sure you’re fed.”

Gerard didn’t comment, he just followed Frank back to the living room and sat on the couch next to him, plate in his lap. Gerard stared at his plate for a minute and Frank gave him a friendly nudge, making Gerard look up. They shared a smile before Gerard wordlessly began to eat. He looked like he was in an okay state. Probably had a killer headache and an empty stomach but okay nonetheless. Frank finished before Gerard and got up to get the two of them coffee, setting a mug down in front of him on the coffee table. 

Frank zoned out while he waited for Gerard, sat back on the couch with his coffee in his hands. He was in a strange mood. He was glad that Gerard was here. That’s all he had to think about.

“Thank you,” Gerard said, reaching forward for his coffee, “not just for breakfast.”

“For the coffee, too?” Frank teased.

He sighed, a fake annoyed expression on his face, “You know what I mean.”

“It’s not a big deal, Gerard. I’m sure you’d do the same for me.” He shrugged.

“Well, of course.” He scoffed, “I just - thank you for not… getting angry with me or asking me a million questions.”

“When you’re in the middle of it like that, it’s not really a good time for confrontation,” Frank said.

“If you want to - if you want me to explain, I can try.” He said quietly.

He moved to face Gerard, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. The only thing I care about is that you’re okay and that you’re with me. I’ve relapsed a few times myself and it was always pretty ugly. I’m just doing what my mom did for me back then but... to you.”

“What did your mom do?”

“She was never mad.” He tilted his head to the side, thinking, “She was always a little upset, I mean, I’m her son, y’know? But she was always kind and caring. Always picked me up when I ran away from home to drink. Always made sure I got to bed okay. Always slept in the room with me to make sure nothing happened. Always made me breakfast. She never treated me any different, like I was a bad kid. I was dealing with addiction and she was there to guide me through it. So - so with you, I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I’m here if you want me here. I’m not gonna condemn you but I’m not going to let this happen again if you give me that permission.”

“Shit,” Gerard said, eyes wide.

Frank tried not to laugh.

“Sorry, um.” He looked away, carding a hand through his hair, “Well, I just, uh, when we’d started like… dating, I guess, I wasn’t expecting - well, I didn’t think you’d react this way. To this.”

“Gerard, we all deal with shit. You think I didn’t think about getting drunk myself when I could smell it on you? But you needed me and I was there. And - and if we really are gonna do this thing - you and me - then we need to be - be there for each other.” His face started growing hot at mentioning him and Gerard dating. It was still a new concept and one he was scared of.

When Frank made eye contact, Gerard was gripping the armrest on the couch, looking like he was going to fucking cry. He didn’t know how to react.

“That means a lot to me, Frank.” 

“That’s how it’s supposed to be. It pisses me off when people react otherwise. Even platonically, you should be there for your friends, not leave them when they need you the most.” Frank winced, “Uh, speaking from experience, aha. This is my long-winded way of saying that I’m here for you without trying to sound cliche. You don’t owe me an explanation but if you want to tell me how you’re feeling, please, I’m all ears.”

“Frank,” he said again and reached out with one hand. Frank held it, ignoring how his chest hurt, “Yeah - yeah, I wanna tell you. I just don’t know where to start.”

“I’ve got all the time in the world, Gerard, take your time.” He gave him a soft smile.

Gerard squeezed his hand and looked down into his mug of coffee, “I guess a lot of it is just… just being sad in general. Sometimes I don’t even have a reason, it just happens. Or sometimes I just get so caught up in my own thoughts and things spiral and I get all anxious and shaky and - and that’s when I do shit I regret, y’know?”

“Do you ever try to get in contact with someone when it happens?” Frank asked.

“Sometimes. Most of the time, though, I’m like unable to properly communicate. But I think it would help.” He nodded to himself.

He sat forward, “Well, the next time that happens call me or Mikey or Ray, okay? Or anyone, really.”

“I’ll - I’ll try.” He sighed, “Trying is the thing I need to work on.”

“This shit takes time, trust me. I surrounded myself with people I knew cared about me when I was at my worst. Bert - he’s seen the most. Just ask him. Hell, I even joined a few AA meetings. They’re not for everyone but it helped for a bit.” He brushed his thumb over Gerard’s hand, “I could take you to the one I go to occasionally…?”

He nodded, “I think I’ll give it a shot. I was too scared - before.”

“It’s hard to do it on your own, too. I forced Bert to come with a few times. He hated it.” He chuckled and was glad to see Gerard do the same.

“You and Bert seem really close.” He observed.

“More than you know.” Frank said, “He’s a good person to talk to about this. He went through it, too.”

For whatever reason, that made Gerard laugh.

“What?”

“It’s just… we’re a group of recovering alcoholics helping each other out. You can’t say that’s not a bit funny, right?” He giggled.

Frank stared at him, “I… well, okay, a little bit but if anyone knows what it’s like it’s us.”

“True, true.” He sighed and Frank’s chest hurt again but a little bit differently. He’d be stupid not to say that Gerard had hearts in his eyes, “So. Are we really gonna do this thing? Us?”

“I mean, it’s a two-person deal, isn’t it?” Frank suddenly felt shy, hot under Gerard’s gaze.

“Well, I’m down if you are.” He groaned, “God, I just remembered.”

“Oh?”

“I said I was going to kiss you the next time I saw you and I was _drunk_.” He hung his head.

“Well, here.” Frank reached over and took the coffee mug out of Gerard’s hand, “Go take a shower and wash off that beer smell and I’ll kiss you.”

“Don’t make empty promises.” Gerard teased.

“I have an extra toothbrush in its box if you want it, too.” Frank raised an eyebrow, a silent challenge.

“Show me your bathroom.” He said and stood up, making Frank laugh.

“Before that,” he said and opened his arms, “I gotta have one of these, sorry not sorry.”

Gerard’s smile turned sad around the edges as he came forward into Frank’s arms, resting his head on Frank’s shoulder. Frank closed his eyes and pressed his face against Gerard’s shoulder. They gripped each other tightly.

“Okay.” Frank said, “Follow me.”

He led Gerard down the hallway to the bathroom. He set out a fresh pair of clothes, a towel, and the toothbrush for him, feeling too much like his mother for his liking. Gerard didn’t tease him much after and closed the bathroom door with a thankful smile. 

Frank sighed.

It was going to be okay.

He walked past the bathroom while Gerard was in it, standing outside the door. He knew it was weird to listen to him shower but the sound was almost comforting, to have someone be awake at the same time as him. He crept to Bert’s room and peeked in. He always slept with the door slightly ajar so Frank gently pushed it aside and stood in the doorway, once again acting like a creep. 

Bert would be happy for him. To know he found someone he really liked and meant it. They’d have to talk about the complexities of their relationship, of course. Fuck, he would have to tell _Gerard_ about his relationship with Bert. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be _too_ weirded out by it. Gerard and Bert had yet to really talk with one another, either. Maybe if Gerard stayed till Bert woke up, they could talk. He knew Bert wanted to. They’d talked about it one night when Frank had accidentally woken Bert up during the day. It was a weird situation that Frank didn’t exactly understand all that well and he supposed he didn’t have to. It was Bert and Gerard’s relationship, not his.

He heard the shower shut off, snapping him from his daze. He left Bert alone and closed his door all the way, making sure it didn’t make noise. Gerard wasn’t too eager like Frank had originally thought, taking about an extra ten minutes before he stepped out of the bathroom. Frank was in the living room watching Ellen when he looked up and saw Gerard standing nearby. In his house. Wearing his clothes. His hair was starting to dry but still mostly wet; dry hairs on his head sprung out from the wet. He had this stupid in love look on his face, too. Frank wasn’t convinced he was real.

“Hey,” Gerard said.

“Come here.” Frank motioned for him to come forward, “Ellen’s about to introduce this child prodigy.”

“Ooo!” He said and cuddled up to Frank.

He smiled to himself, hiding it in Gerard’s hair. He was sort of in Frank’s lap but mostly on the couch, pressed against the front of his body. This was the first time they’d really ever been so close to one another and it was taking everything inside Frank to just _breathe_. He’d heard from Mikey a little bit about how touchy and clingy his brother was just from complaints on phone calls but never did he think it was like _this_. 

But they were caught up in watching this kid from Wisconsin bust out Mozart on his violin. Frank forgot how old he said he was but from looking at him he couldn’t be any older than 7. Gerard seemed impressed, uttering ‘woah’ after the kid finished.

“Sorry, I just wanted to watch that.” Frank chuckled and Gerard moved so they were facing each other.

“You’re fine, that was totally worth it. I can’t play any instrument for shit.” He smiled and ran his fingers over Frank’s arm, “So,”

“So.” Frank said, suddenly shy, “This is weird.”

“A little.” Gerard said softly, moving his hand to Frank’s shoulder, “I wanna do this, with you. I didn’t say that before.”

“So what you’re saying is… you wanna, um, be my boyfriend?” He laughed nervously, looking down at his lap.

“As long as you wanna be mine.” He touched Frank’s cheek.

After a beat, Frank said, “We’re being ridiculous - of _course_ I wanna be your boyfriend.”

Before Gerard could respond, Frank took in a breath and leaned forward, kissing him. It was a shock to both of them. Frank knew he was ballsy from time to time from just being with Bert but _shit_. Gerard was soft and sweet and made a small, happy noise into the kiss, pushing up into it, cupping Frank’s face. Gerard’s thumb brushed over the high of his cheek and Frank _melted_. Gerard parted his lips and sighed into Frank’s mouth. They sat on the couch and made out through the commercials and through the last half of Ellen. Frank wasn’t hard, exactly, but when Gerard bit his lip, he thought he was going to be, and _soon_.

He broke away, breathless, and stared at Gerard with a grin on his face, “Wow.”

Gerard giggled, “Yeah. _Wow_.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot happens in this and it took me WAY too long to actually finish this chapter so my deepest apologies. also warning for some frank/bert action once again.

Frank closed Bert’s door behind him, “We gotta talk.”

“Oh, shit.” Bert said, pantless, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing - nothing's  _ wrong _ . Put your pants on.” He waved at him, “Gerard and I kissed.”

“Oh, really?” He leered, putting a pair of sweatpants on.

He was smiling when he said, “Shut up. And he wants to - well, he is. My boyfriend, I mean. I just wanted to make sure…”

Bert sat on the edge of his bed, hair a mess, and looked at Frank with wide eyes, “No! Dude, I’m over him, I have been for a while. You have the McCracken blessing.”

Frank sighed, “That’s good to hear. But I’m more concerned about… us.”

He winced, waiting for a reaction. He’d never thought he’d have a boyfriend so he hadn’t ever thought about having a conversation where he would have to tell Bert ‘hey if my new partner doesn’t like our relationship, we gotta lay off’. Bert just sort of waited for Frank to elaborate and Frank felt uneasy under his gaze even though he  _ knew _ that Bert would be cool with it and understand.

“I haven’t talked to Gerard about our relationship yet but I’m going to tonight at dinner and we’re gonna discuss everything and I just want you to know that I’m gonna respect his wishes if he says that he doesn’t want us… messing… around.” He finished with a sigh.

Bert shrugged, “Seems easy enough.”

“Wait, really?” Frank asked, surprised. He hadn’t expected Bert to react  _ that _ cooly. 

“Well,  _ yeah _ . I’m gonna want you guys to have a good relationship. I don’t wanna home wreck, y’know?” He scratched at his head and avoided eye contact, “Plus, I, uh, I’ve started seeing someone.”

Now  _ that _ caught Frank’s attention. Immediately, he sat down next to Bert, ready to hear  _ everything _ . Bert laughed at him and kissed his temple but he was totally blushing. Frank was ecstatic.

“What!? Dude, you have to tell me everything, now.” He nudged Bert’s shoulder and he looked away, smiling.

“You’re obnoxious,” Bert mumbled.

He chuckled, “And you’re bright fucking red - now  _ tell me _ !” 

“Fine!” He sighed, “His name is Quinn. We met at my work.”

“Really? How did that work?” He asked.

Bert shifted, “Well, he was hanging out with some friends by a mausoleum and of course, I had to be like ‘hey you guys gotta leave’ but he kept showing back up. Bumming cigarettes off of me on my break.”

Frank covered his mouth and whispered ‘oh my God’ to which Bert looked over at him and pushed him hard enough that he fell off the edge of the bed, laughing.

“Shut up, dude!”

“No!” He sat up, “That’s… that’s so cute. I know we totally sound like girls right now but dude… that’s cute.”

“I guess.” He paused, “No, okay, it totally is. Dude, I’m  _ so _ gone for this guy.”

“I’m really happy for you.” He said earnestly, “Have you talked to him about me?”

He nodded, “He said he’s fine with it. He also asked if he could watch? Which was interesting.”

Frank stood up, “I gotta meet this guy.”

Bert reached behind him and threw a pillow at him, “Motherfucker, I am not letting you touch him.”

“Oh, that’s kinda hot.” Frank said, “Say it again but lower this time.”

“I will boil your brains.” Bert threatened.

Something switched in Frank’s head, making him smirk, “Empty promises, McCracken.”

“Oh,” he laughed, “don’t you fucking dare.”

“Try me.”

In an instant, Bert had him pinned to the floor with a hand on his neck. Not necessarily choking him but more as a warning that he was capable of doing it. Frank really hoped Gerard was cool with his relationship with Bert.

“And the fact that I can’t even touch you…” Bert mumbled and took his hand away from Frank’s throat, “You’re an asshole.”

“I know.” He smiled. He moved his head upward just a smidge so their noses brushed, “If he’s cool with us… I’d like for us to pick this up where we’re leaving it off.”

“Goooood,” he huffed and got off of Frank, “you’re evil. Never mind being an asshole - you are the devil incarnate.”

Frank hissed at him like a snake just as someone rang the doorbell. He stood up and smoothed down his clothes the best he could, gave Bert a wink, and went to the front door. When he looked through the peephole, it was Gerard, wearing a jean jacket over a Morrissey t-shirt and looking nervous. Frank waited for a second more before opening the door. The nervousness visibly left when Frank grinned at him.

“Hey,” Gerard said and gave Frank a hug, “how are you?”

Frank smiled into his shoulder, “I’m good, Gee. What about you?”

“Nervous.” He replied and stepped back, “I know it’s just you but… yeah.”

“No, I get it. Come in.” He opened the door so Gerard could step inside.

There was a soft thump from the hallway and Frank looked to see Bert standing nearby with a blanket wrapped around him. He managed to hide his smile before Gerard saw because he knew  _ exactly _ why he was covering himself. He looked cute bundled up, though, so Frank gave him a pass.

“Hey,” Bert said and looked incredibly shocked when Gerard returned the greeting by hugging him. When Gerard pulled away, Bert looked at Frank briefly before going back to him, “Uh.”

He sorta caved in on himself, “I’m sorry just - we had a good talk the other night. I missed you.” 

Bert’s expression was like how someone would look at a sad kitten - pitiful, “Gerard, hey, it  _ was _ a good talk. I’m glad we cleared things up. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Okay.” He stepped away toward Frank again, “Sorry.”

Frank understood, though, and just laid a hand on the small of his back, “You’re fine, Gee.”

Bert shifted from side to side awkwardly, “Well… you kids have fun. And Frank, Quinn might be coming over later, just so you know.” 

“Ooo.” He teased and went over to him to give him a kiss on the cheek. Or, it had originally planned to be a kiss on the cheek but Bert turned his head last second and Frank kissed the corner of his mouth, “Fucker. And to think I was just about to apologize for not going to Denny’s with you on your night off.”

He smirked, “Love you.”

“Go to hell.” Frank smiled and led Gerard out of the apartment.

Gerard was pretty quiet on his way down the stairs to the parking lot up until they got into the car. He turned the car on, put his hand on the gear shift, and paused like he was thinking. When he turned to face Frank, he just gave Gerard an apologetic smile.

It wasn’t about them kissing, oddly enough, “Bert and I talked on the phone for hours the other night and cleared everything up between us. What happened with my family, all of that. And he told me his side. It was good. And I do miss him. I just want you to know it’s not like - not like a romantic thing by any means.”

“I trust you, Gerard.” Frank said earnestly, “And I think maybe we should talk. About me and Bert.”

He put the car into gear and started to reverse but looked Frank dead on when he said that, “Oh?”

“Well… for the longest time, Bert and I have had the weirdest relationship. We met in high school and were really good friends but we never liked each other romantically, y’know? But, well, sometimes we would mess around just for the sake of… messing around. We used to do it a lot more before we moved in together but we still did, uh, mess around from time to time.” He pulled at the hem of his shirt, nervous, “I told Bert that we should stop until I talked to you about it.”

Gerard had a frown on his face but it wasn’t like a bad frown. Or at least Frank hoped so, “So you guys are like casually…?”

“Fucking, yeah.” He laughed nervously, “I just wanted to talk to you about it, obviously, since it’s been going on for years. It’s something you should know.”

“Thank you for telling me.” He chewed on the inside of his lip, quiet.

In fact, it was quiet long enough for Frank to get suspicious, “Wait, are you imagining it?”

“No!” He said quickly, shooting a glance to Frank while they were at a stop sign, “Oh my God.”

Frank beamed, “You totally were.”

“Whatever.” He mumbled, “I mean - I don’t really know what to tell you. Is Quinn Bert’s boyfriend?”

He nodded.

“What does he make of it?” Gerard asked.

“Bert said that Quinn thought it was fine because we’ve been doing it for so long and never wanted to put a ring on it, y’know? He apparently also asked Bert if he could watch sometime.” He snickered, “They haven’t been dating that long, I don’t think, and he’s saying shit like that? God, Bert’s found The One.”

“I suppose he has.” Gerard considered it, “Do you want Quinn to watch you two?”

“I haven’t even met the guy.” He said, “But it isn’t something I haven’t thought before. Sorry, Gerard, I know this is a really weird and heavy thing to spring on you so early in-”

“I’m fine with it.” He interrupted. Frank looked at him to make sure he was genuine. He was, “Honestly.”

He blinked, “Oh. Well, I guess that means I can skip the speech in my head.”

They were in a more populated area of town now. It looked like some kind of festival was going on; people were walking the streets and going from booth to booth. Frank was sure he could hear some type of live music, too. He’d expected the drive to be longer. For whatever reason, he thought they were going to Denny’s again. A product of being with Bert for so long, he presumed.

“It wouldn’t hurt to say it anyway.”

“Mostly just that I’m like… really into you. To summarize. Bert’s pretty, yeah, but… well I think you’re prettier.” He was totally blushing, he knew it, “Uh, don’t tell Bert.”

“I won’t.” He promised.

They ended up parking in a nearby garage to walk back downtown to the festival. Frank wasn’t exactly sure what was being celebrated but he didn’t complain when the smell of elephant ears hit him in the face. There weren’t any games or rides or anything - it wasn’t that type of affair. Just booths and vintage-looking cars and food trucks and live music. It was some indie band he’d heard of but hadn’t really gone out of his way to see them. They weren’t bad. The lead singer had tight pants.

Frank convinced Gerard to grab some tacos from a truck and sit down outside of this coffee shop. It was in a secluded little outdoor area with round tables, ferns, and fairy lights. Gerard had managed to spill salsa on himself in record timing and Frank offered his napkin so he didn’t have to lick it off like a madman. Still, it’d be a sight to see.

“Thanks,” Gerard said and groaned. He was just smearing it on his white shirt, making the red stain more obvious, “Are you kidding me?”

“Here,” Frank said when the idea popped into his head, pulling his hoodie over his head, “Let’s trade jackets.”

He sat there with a surprised open-mouthed look on his face for a second before reaching across the table to take Frank’s Thursday hoodie. He shrugged off his jean jacket and gave it to Frank. The hoodie was a little big on Frank so it fit Gerard near perfectly and Frank didn’t hide his smile.

“Now no one can tell you suck at aiming for your mouth.” He beamed.

Gerard flicked cilantro at him, “You try eating this with a soggy shell;  _ everything _ keeps falling out.”

Frank picked the leaf from his hair and ate it, grinning stupidly at Gerard who rolled his eyes and went back to his food. Frank totally adored him.

After they finished their tacos, Frank led Gerard back out to where all the booths were. Gerard had to talk Frank out of buying a lot of shit but everything was oddly cool. There were a few local artists selling their work. Gerard was really entranced by this certain glass blower’s booth, pretty much tuning Frank out while he scoped out all the art. And when he actually got around to the artist herself, they got into a deep conversation about pigments that Frank didn’t quite understand so he took the opportunity to sneak off. 

The reason was totally kind of embarrassing but he wanted to find something for Gerard. Something small and cute that he could carry around and think of Frank. Or something like that. God, it was so gay of him but he fucking liked him, dammit. He didn’t wander far before he came to an older woman’s booth with a bunch of handmade jewelry. He bypassed the rings and earrings until he came upon these colorful braided bracelets. He stared at them for a while until he came across one that was lavender, light blue, and black. For whatever reason, it reminded him of the night they got chased by the cops. It was dark out but the sky was still blue and purple then. He smiled as he walked up to where the lady was sat on her lawn chair next to a table.

“I sell everything in pairs, dear.” She gestured to where an identical bracelet sat on the table he’d just been at, “So they don’t get lonely.”

He bought her logic along with the two bracelets and found Gerard still at the glassblower's booth, talking with the artist. Frank smiled as he approached, though, and grabbed Gerard’s hand from behind, spooking him.

“Oh!” He sighed and smiled back, squeezing Frank’s fingers, “Where’d you run off to?”

“Just over there.” He shrugged a shoulder near the lady’s booth, “What’re you guys talking about?”

“Oh, we just went to the same art school.” He gestured from Frank to the girl in front of them, “This is Miranda.”

“And I’m Frank.” He paused, “Wait, do you have a friend named Meilyn by any chance?”

“Uh,” she chuckled, “yeah, why?”

Frank tried his best not to laugh, “Dude! You totally left her at that party a couple of weeks back.”

Gerard seemed to have put two and two together, “Oh my God, you’re the Miranda that dated my brother.”

“You’re Mikey’s brother?” She rolled her eyes, a smile on her face, “Fuck’s sake, small ass world.”

Frank remembered what Miranda looked like vaguely at the party but she was pretty much the same. She had a black bob with bangs that got into her eyes a lot, brushing them away every so often. She wore a black dress with purple tights and a bright red ring on her middle finger. She definitely looked like she went to art school. 

“God, it really is.” 

Miranda was eyeing Frank, “You’re in a band but the name is on the tip of my tongue.”

“Pencey Prep.” He smiled.

“Right! How’s your drummer?” Her smile turned almost wicked at the edges.

Frank decided he liked her, “He’s good.”

He watched her gaze flicker to their hands, “Sorry if I’m being pushy but are you two together?”

Even though he totally expected it, it still came as a surprise. He opened his mouth to tell her, face hot, when Gerard cut in, “Yeah, we are.”

“For how long?” She asked, leaning back in her chair.

Gerard bit his lip, thinking, “Oh, less than a month.”

“So it’s still pretty new, then.” Miranda looked behind them and when Frank turned around, he saw other people approaching, “Well, I wish you guys the best. And Gerard, here, my number’s on the card if you ever wanna come by the studio.”

He pocketed the business card, “It was great talking with you. Would it be cool if Frank and I stopped by sometime? I promise he won’t break anything.”

That made her laugh and Frank bump his shoulder, “Of course, yeah, the more the merrier.”

As they walked away, Frank heard her greet the new people at her stand. Gerard was still holding his hand, walking in step with him. When they walked through the mass of people and into more of a sparsely populated area near some health insurance booths, Frank dug in his pocket and handed Gerard the bracelet, letting go of him to put his own on his wrist. When he looked up at him, Gerard was staring down at the jewelry.

“Did you get us matching bracelets?” His voice was soft.

“The lady said she only sold them in pairs and this pair reminded me of, um. Of you.” He laughed nervously.

Gerard stepped closer, “How so?”

“It’s weird. I just - well, the colors kinda reminded me of when we ran from the cops that one night.” He admitted with a shrug.

“The sky was purple and blue and the streets were dark,” Gerard said like it was poetry. He put the bracelet on and looked at it, “We gotta go back to the car.”

Frank blinked, “Why?”

He leaned in close, “Because I need to kiss you.”

They didn’t actually make it to the car. They got pretty close, though. Frank had held his hand again, walking towards their level of the parking garage when Gerard huffed and grabbed Frank bodily. With the force of it, Frank’s back ended up pressed against a concrete pillar, Gerard’s lips on his. He pulled at Gerard’s clothes, trying to get him closer, settling on threading his hands in his hair. Gerard made Frank feel light-headed, fucking hell. Even if his actions were aggressive, his lips were soft and intentional, keen on making Frank feel like a melted heap of butter. 

“If I knew,” Frank breathed, “that a bracelet would get you this hot and bothered, I would’ve gotten you one sooner.”

“God, shut the fuck up.” Gerard laughed and kissed him again, open-mouthed and rough.

…

He gave Frank a kiss goodbye when he dropped him off at home along with a promise to text him when he got home. He watched Gerard drive away, feeling as if he were walking on air. No one had ever made Frank feel like that in a long ass time. When he turned around to head upstairs, Bert was right in front of him.

“Fuck! Dude, what-”

He grabbed Frank’s shoulders, “Quinn was here for hours.  _ Hours _ , Frank. But I didn’t want to whore myself out since we just started hanging out outside of the cemetery and I just - I’m so fucking horny.”

Halfway through his explanation, he managed to lower Frank to the ground, on his knees, “Wait, out here?”

“Please,” Bert whined. Fuck, he was  _ really _ desperate, eyebrows creased in the lamplight.

“Okay.” Frank nodded and scooted back against the car near them, pulling Bert forward by the hips, “What do you want? Just a BJ?”

“Hnng,” Bert’s voice went up nearly two octaves before he got ahold of himself, petting Frank’s hair, “Can - I want - I wanna fuck your mouth.”

He paused, said, “God, I want you to do that, too,” and unbuttoned Bert’s jeans. 

They were totally directly under a lamp where anyone could look down and see them but Frank didn’t care. And Bert didn’t care. It was late enough that everyone was asleep but still early enough for them to get caught. And for whatever reason, that made Frank’s hands shake and he moved. 

When he had Bert’s cock out, he said, “If I need air, I’ll squeeze your leg like this, okay? Otherwise, I don’t want to be able to talk tomorrow.”

“God, you’re such a slut.” Bert breathed. Frank grabbed his hand and thread it through his hair so Bert had something to hold onto. He looked up and brushed his lips against the head of his dick, giving him permission to go ahead. It was a slow moment of deep breathing and adjusting Frank’s head in order for Bert to push in all the way, Frank’s nose touching the tell-tale stubble of freshly shaven skin, “Oh, fuck. How do you do that?”

Frank gently petted the inside of Bert’s thigh as a response.

“Even when I’m about to face fuck you, you’re sweet, shit.” He said under his breath and pulled out only to thrust back in quickly without warning, making Frank gag, “Fuck. If you throw up - shit - don’t hate me but -  _ fuck _ \- I think that’s kinda hot.”

At literally the worst time, Frank laughed and squeezed Bert’s leg to pull off, “Really?”

“Dude, not now.” He groaned.

“Yeah,” he kissed the head of his cock, “not now.”

Bert grabbed the back of Frank’s head and really left no more room for talk or sultry looks upward. Frank’s eyes watered as Bert’s cock hit the back of his throat repeatedly, heavy and thick on his tongue. He liked giving Bert head - he had a pretty nice dick - but he especially liked it when he fucked Frank’s mouth.

He usually made these high-pitched noises that he didn’t make when they fucked. They were different from the sounds he made if and when Frank occasionally topped (those were a whole other breed that made Frank go crazy). When Bert was getting fucked, he let out short, high moans and fractions of Frank’s name but when Frank let him throat fuck him, they were high-pitched and drawn out. Almost like he was singing and looking for a note.

In short, Frank just really liked fucking Bert.

His throat was raw and nearing painful when Bert came suddenly, choking Frank and making him pull away, getting cum on his face. He sat back on his knees, wincing. Fuck, they were totally bruised. He touched the inside of Bert’s thigh again and sighed, looking up at him.

“Thanks.” Bert breathed.

“Yeah.” He croaked. Oh, that felt nice.

Bert tucked himself back into his jeans and a car near them turned on and sped off. The two watched in horror as it drove away. When Frank met eyes with Bert, he looked spooked.

“That was Quinn’s car.” He said.

“Shit,” Frank replied.

“I mean, he did say he wanted to watch. Whatever,” he helped Frank to his feet, “let’s get that spunk off you and…?”

“Finger me.” He said, “I’m tired.”

And even though he totally had cum on his face, Bert gave him a peck on the lips, “I know. You should tell me about your date while we’re at it, too.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this really was a month in the making, i'm so sorry. there will be one last chapter after this and then it'll be done. also, as a treat, there's a fun little g/f scene in this. fun as in awkward and realistic. sorry not sorry.

Frank lost his voice. The best part was, it was his last day of work. Zach had been… pretty distant the whole day, looking not nearly as cheerful as usual. His coworkers were pretty nice to him, though, joking with him, asking where he was going to work after that day. A few of them even asked him for his number or the address of the skate shop just to keep in contact with him. He knew he’d made some friends just working there but he didn’t expect  _ that many _ . Toward the end of the day, while he was finishing his work in an aisle, the once distant Zach approached him.

“Hi.” Frank rasped, surprised.

“Hi. You lose your voice?” Zach asked and watched Frank nod, “I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I didn’t listen to what your wishes were and, well, I just think that because of what I did, you’re quitting. So… I’m sorry.”

“’S cool.” He told him even though it wasn’t, not really, “I was planning on leaving anyway. Not your fault.”

He hoped Zach could understand him enough and tried not to look relieved when Zach sighed, “Well, I’m glad it wasn’t just me. I, uh - a couple of associates and I wanted to give you something as a farewell treat so… when you go back into the break room, there’s a cupcake in the fridge for you.”

Frank smiled, “Thanks, man.”

There was, indeed, a cupcake in the backroom fridge when he got there. It had his name on it in scribbled writing with a crude smiley face next to it. It was sort of nice, actually. He’d been at this job for so long and it had taken quite a bit out of him and sure, the light at the end of the tunnel was a red velvet cupcake from Walmart but it was his cupcake that he deserved, dammit. He smiled, grabbed the box, clocked out for the very last time, and left. In his car, he turned his radio up and rolled his windows down. If he flipped the building off and laughed as he drove away, well, no one but him had to know.

On his way up to the apartment, he called Brian. He’d been kind of an ass in regards to keeping in contact with him. Sure, he texted him every once and a while but nothing beyond ‘hey how are you’ when he was bored (Brian was fun to talk to) and ‘just put in my two weeks’. When he picked up, thank God, he just sounded amused.

“Well, look who came crawling back.” 

“Ha! Good to hear from you, too. Still want me?” He asked.

“Duh. Didn’t train you for nothing. I can conjure up a schedule for next week. Last day today?” Brian inquired and Frank heard some pen scratching in the background.

He shrugged even though he totally couldn’t see him, “Yeah. It was alright. They gave me a cupcake.”

He laughed, “God, corporations are so weird.” 

“Tell me about it,” Frank balanced the phone between his chin and shoulder while he opened the door, “Well, email me what you come up with. Thanks for waiting for me.”

“You’re lucky I like you. See yah.” Brian said and hung up. 

Frank opened the door and set his keys on the little table nearby. He called out to Bert, hoping he was up. He’d worked an earlier shift that day so he was off at two. If Bert wasn’t awake by then to get ready for work, Frank was usually the one who woke him up.

“Bert?” He turned around and made eye contact with someone he had never met before.

He had half blonde, half brown hair and was a lot taller than Frank. He wore a plaid shirt and baggy pants.

“Hi.” The guy said.

Frank set his cupcake down on the counter behind him, not looking away, “Hi.”

“Oh! I- I’m Quinn. Bert’s boyfriend.” He explained, motioning toward his bedroom, “He’s asleep.”

“He shouldn’t be.” Frank took his jacket off and set it on the back of the couch, “He works tonight.”

“He called in. He’s not feeling well.” Quinn scratched the back of his head.

He frowned, “How bad is he?”

“I’d say it’s probably just a stomach bug or something. Maybe food poisoning. He doesn’t have a temperature so it’s not the flu.” He shrugged.

“Which is good.” Frank nodded.

“Good, yeah.” He repeated awkwardly. He pointed behind Frank, “Want help?”

Frank looked behind him at the paper bag from the grocery store. Motherfucker, he’d nearly forgotten about it.

“Sure, if you want.” He shrugged, too.

Quinn actually did help Frank out the groceries away and even made pleasant conversation while he did it. He talked a little bit about how he and Bert met and when Frank got all serious on him, he told Frank that he wouldn’t leave Bert for the world. He totally smiled like a fool when Quinn wasn’t looking. Bert needed that kind of certainty.

He lifted up a carton of broth from the cupboard he’d put a box of cereal in, “He hasn’t eaten much today. What do you have soup wise?”

“Uh,” Frank opened the pantry, “we have a lot of noodles. No chicken noodle, though.”

“Hmm. Give me the noodles and I’ll add the broth. He just needs something besides water in him.” He mumbled the last part to himself and before Frank could show him where anything was, he already had a lot out on the stove. Guess he’d been here quite a while today.

Frank watched him move around the kitchen, sitting on the counter, and eating his cupcake. He’d given Quinn a bite of it because he wasn’t fucking rude. He’d seemed surprised by the phrase ‘any boyfriend of Bert’s is a boyfriend of mine’ when he just offered the cupcake to him to take a bite. Quinn seemed nice. Frank approved. 

“You seem worried,” Frank observed.

He leaned against the counter where Frank was sitting, “I've never really had a partner call me when they’re sick. Is it too much?”

“No!” Frank assured him, “No, Bert probably really appreciates this.”

“I think maybe he called me because I told him to try something new at Denny’s and now he has fucking food poisoning.” He huffed.

Weirdly, Frank thought that he had a pretty profile. Heaven forbid Gerard ended up having the ability to read minds.

“Or, y’know, he called you to come help because he trusted that you would take care of him.” Frank corrected.

Belatedly, he watched Quinn blush, “Or maybe that. Oh, aha, looks like the broth is done boiling.”

“Well, while you make that, I’m gonna check in on Bert.” Frank hopped off the counter.

“Don’t wake him up.” 

He snickered, making his way down the hallway. Bert really had himself the most motherly boyfriend out there. It was sweet. When he got to Bert’s bedroom, Bert was definitely awake. He sat on the edge of the bed and squeezed his leg through the covers. Bert tossed the covers away from his head and sighed when he saw it was Frank. 

“Fucker,” he said. 

“Faker.” Frank countered.

He groaned, “I  _ was _ sick this morning. That’s why I called in.”

“And now?”

“I’m not. I threw up a couple of times but I feel fine now.” He admitted.

Frank moved to lay in bed next to Bert, knowing that he wasn’t contagious, “So why’d you call Quinn?”

“I called him when I felt at my worst. And I did need his help for a bit.” He shrugged and turned onto his side to face Frank, “I think he likes taking care of me.”

“He’s making you homemade soup, dude.” He smiled and flicked a piece of Bert’s hair away from his nose, “He’s cute.”

“God, isn’t he?” He moaned, “You should’ve seen him earlier. He came right after I called him. I woke him up. He was in his pajamas and his hair was all messed up -  _ fuck _ .”

“You’ve got my seal of approval. Cute, kinky, and a caregiver.” He giggled and blocked his face when Bert tried to flick him, “No but you gotta tell him you’re feeling better. He’s like all anxious and worried and shit. He thinks that he gave you food poisoning.”

“Really?” He sat up on his elbow before flopping back down onto his back, “Fuck. Fine. Okay. Yeah, I’ll tell him.”

“Good.” Frank smoothed his hair down and kissed his temple, “Gerard’s coming over tonight.”

He gave him a weak thumbs up and Frank got up to leave. He bumped past Quinn in the hallway and told him that Bert was awake. He heard Bert say ‘hey, Quinny’ before the bedroom door shut. He hoped Bert had a little bit of tact left in him when he told Quinn that he’d been playing nurse a lot longer than he had to.

Frank got around to cleaning up the place before Gerard came. His room, the living room, and the kitchen hadn’t looked that clean in a long time. Gerard was totally gonna make fun of him for cleaning since he’d literally seen it after a week and some of not being cleaned. But whatever. Frank wanted the place to look nice  _ for himself _ .

Gerard came around 8 with a box of pizza and a two-liter of Coke and Frank kissed him, he was so happy. And the pizza and soda was a plus, too. They sat on the couch and cracked open the pizza box.

“Five cheese.” Gerard said, “Melts in your fucking mouth.”

“This is the sexiest thing you’ve ever done,” Frank said which prompted Gerard to choke on his drink.

“Things that turn Frank Iero on: five cheese pizza.” He teased.

He ignored the taunts, “So fucking good.”

Down the hall, there was a thud and a loud shout that sounded like ‘fuck’.

Gerard turned to look at Frank.

“Oh,” he said with a mouthful, “Bert lied to Quinn about being sick. Well, he was sick this morning, called Quinn, and felt better after a bit but he hasn’t told him that yet.”

“So he’s not sick anymore?” Gerard asked, looking over Frank’s shoulder in the direction of the noise.

“No. And Quinn made him soup, too.” He took a bite and there was another yell that sounded like Bert, “Quinn’s cute.”

That piqued his interest, “Yeah?”

“He’s tall and blonde and we shared my cupcake. Speaking of, that’s the goodbye gift I got at work today.” Gerard nodded for him to keep going, “Red velvet. It was really good. But yeah. Quinn really likes Bert, I can tell. I’m really happy for them. Bert’s been looking for someone like him for a long time.”

The look on Gerard’s face was like he was looking at a kitten, “I’m happy for him, too. Let’s hope they work things out so I can actually meet him.”

Another bang.

“I hope so, too.”

Frank heard the bedroom door open, frantic, slamming footsteps, and then a quiet noise that was - 100%, no doubt about it - a moan. The bedroom door closed again and Frank tried to tune out the sounds that followed. He looked over at Gerard who had his slice of pizza up to his mouth. He couldn’t tell if it was shock, interest, or disgust on his face. Maybe all of the above.

“Wanna go for a walk after dinner?” He asked, taking a bite.

“Sure,” he said and cringed when he heard a muffled ‘Bert’ down the hall, “Maybe we should bring the pizza with us, actually.”

“Y’know what, not a bad idea.”

They ended up finding a nearby park and eating near the waterfront, watching the ducks swim by. Frank had collected quite a few as friends by simply throwing his pizza crust toward them. Gerard made fun of him by the end of it, he was throwing bread at them, too. He even named one with one foot ‘Reginald’. Reginald nearly bit Frank when he got close to feed him a piece of bread out of his hand. Gerard laughed at him when he fell on his ass in shock. Frank got his revenge, though, by grabbing his pant leg and knocking him onto his ass, too. 

He bought Gerard a churro from a vendor, held his hand, and narrated some kids trying to get their kite out of a tree. It was a weirdly beautiful evening and Frank was totally gonna thank Bert for getting laid. Gerard kept giggling and pulling Frank this way and that to go look at stuff and looking at Frank only to look away when he got caught. It was driving Frank crazy.

“What?” Gerard asked, tucking his hair behind his ear.

Frank just smiled, “Just thinking about you.”

“Oh? What about?” His expression changed.

“Nothing bad! My god,” he chuckled, “Just thinking about how much I like you. Like walking in this park with you.”

Gerard looked away, “Shut up.”

“Ha!” He laughed at him, “Can I ask you something?”

“I guess.” He pouted.

Frank bit his lip and thought, might as well, “Would you maybe wanna… stay over? Tonight?”

Gerard was totally blushing, it was fantastic. Well, okay, Frank was definitely blushing, too, “Like, um, like with you?”

“Unless you wanna sleep in Bert’s room with Quinn,” Frank teased, “then, yes.”

“As much as I like Bert and Quinn…” He teased right back, “I think… yes. I’ll stay over. You mind if we stop by my house so I can grab my stuff?”

He was too ecstatic that Gerard said yes to answer for a second, “Y-yeah, for sure. Should we go now?”

Gerard got out his phone and checked the time on it, “Shit, yeah. Let’s go.”

…

“Now, um, mind the mess. Mikey tends to have guests over and doesn’t clean up after they leave.” Gerard prefaced before opening the apartment door. 

The apartment in itself wasn’t  _ that _ dirty. There were a few things scattered here and there, mostly beer cans and various wrappers but nothing else really. The living room was small - just a couch and a TV set. The kitchen was attached to the living room. It was a really open layout other than the narrow hallway to the bathroom and two bedrooms.

“That one’s Mikey’s and…” he opened the bedroom door, “this is my hole.”

“Your hole,” Frank repeated, snickering.

Gerard was a pretty damn good decorator. There were framed movie posters that looked vintage, along with some vinyl on display next to a player. He had a pretty small bed shoved in the corner next to a bookshelf  _ full _ of comics and novels thicker than Frank’s hand. He wondered where Gerard had the time to read all of them. There was a guitar sitting in the corner, too. It looked like it got played pretty recently, fingerprints visible around the dust. 

Frank just sort of looked at everything while Gerard got a set of clothes and his toothbrush from the bathroom. He noticed a few things that Frank had given him and even a CD that he had recommended. He tried not to smile too much. And maybe, if he left the chain necklace he had in his pocket on Gerard’s dresser, no one had to know but him. He just wanted something of his to be in Gerard’s room. Heaven knew that Frank still had Gerard’s jacket from their date at the festival. He fidgeted with the bracelet on his wrist from that day, too, standing awkwardly in Gerard’s bedroom while he got the stuff from his bathroom. 

He froze when someone walked by the open bedroom door. Of course, it was just Mikey, who stopped, turned around, and stared at him.

“Hi, Frank.”

“Mikes.” He smiled.

He didn’t ask the question Frank thought he would, “How are you?” 

“Oh. I’m doing pretty good, honestly. What about you?” 

Mikey leaned against the door frame, “Eh. Recovering from a hangover currently, so I’ve been better.”

It was quiet for a second.

“I’m, um, here with Gerard. Picking some stuff up before we head back to my place.” He explained his presence and Mikey just nodded.

“Nice. Wanna see my room? I actually have something of yours.” He started heading the direction to his room before Frank even agreed.

“Sure.” He said and hastily followed.

Mikey’s room was definitely a lot cooler than Gerard’s. He felt bad for thinking it but it  _ was _ . He had various collectible memorabilia on the walls and his bass guitars on display. He also had the biggest CD and tape collection Frank had ever seen. He could’ve started his own record store with how much shit he had. 

He tapped Frank’s shoulder and handed him a tape, “You gave this to me in high school and I never gave it back.”

Frank took the Rancid tape, “Shit, you kept it this long?”

Mikey shrugged, “Well, you know. I give stuff back, even if it’s years later.”

He’d completely forgotten about the tape, honestly, turning it over in his hand. It was still in pristine shape, too. He told Mikey as much.

He gestured around at the CDs around him, “I take care of my shit, Iero.”

There was a knock behind them, causing the two of them to turn around swiftly. It was just Gerard, though, looking nervous with a backpack over his shoulder.

“Hey. Just wanted to let you know I’m ready to leave whenever you are.” He looked at Frank.

“Alright.” He said and turned to hug Mikey, “Good seeing you. Text me, okay?”

“Will do.” Mikey hugged him back and waved awkwardly as Frank followed Gerard out of his room.

Back home, Quinn and Bert were cuddled up on the couch together watching TV. Quinn’s hair looked particularly messed with. Bert’s hair was generally messy so Frank really couldn’t tell with him. He gave them a smirk as he walked past with Gerard and was met with them throwing a throw pillow at him. Well, he supposed it was in the name. 

“Gerard’s staying over!” He yelled at them.

“Good!” Bert yelled back, “So’s Quinn!”

“It’s like a sleepover,” Gerard said once Frank closed his door.

He snorted, “Except, it really isn’t.”

“Yeah.” He sat his stuff down by Frank’s bed, “You were right about Quinn.”

“Right?” Frank grinned, “I don’t know where Bert finds these boys at. The cemetery apparently.”

He hovered awkwardly in the space of Frank’s bedroom, “What is it exactly that Bert does?” 

“Oh, he’s a security guard at Saint Rose Cemetery.” He scratched at his arm, “You can sit down if you want. I know this is a bit… sudden.”

“It’s not.” He told Frank and sat down on the edge of his bed. 

Frank did the same and kicked his feet. Their hands were close together on the bed. Just to lighten the mood a bit, he pretended to look away and slowly edged his hand closer until their pinkies touched. Gerard laughed, albeit nervously, and put his hand on top of Frank’s.

“Sorry. It’s just - well, it’s been a while. Since I’ve done this.” He cleared his throat, “I suppose we should… talk about it.”

Frank blinked, “Like, what?”

Gerard’s face was pink, “Like last sexual partners, preferences, anything I should know… that, uh, type of thing. I can go first? If that would help?”

“Yeah. Yeah, please.” He turned to face Gerard, feeling pretty hot himself.

He watched Gerard pick at his fingernails while he thought. He looked pretty damn nervous. Frank was  _ really _ fucking nervous but he was just better at hiding it, “Uh, my last sexual partner was my ex-boyfriend. But he was clean and we always used protection. I… also prefer to top but I’m a switch so tomorrow, who knows.”

“I’m a switch, too.” Frank grinned.

The smile was returned, “Nice. Oh, and, um. I’m on antidepressants so sometimes it… well one of the side effects… bluntly, sometimes it’s hard for me to get it up. And if I do, it’s a miracle if I finish.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“At least I’m not sad, right?” He laughed awkwardly, “But, yeah. I just wanted to tell you in case it… well, it’s embarrassing.”

“I don’t care.” Frank said and meant it, “It’s not embarrassing to me. So what if it takes a minute, yeah?”

“You’re sweet, Frank.” Gerard’s voice was quiet, “But, um, what - what about you?”

He froze, “Uh, would you be mad if I told you my last partner was Bert?”

“No. We’ve been over this-”

“Okay, but what if I told you it was last night. And early this morning.” He grimaced, waiting for Gerard’s response.

He stared at Frank, “Jesus, you fuck like a rabbit.”

“I’m sorry!”

“No - I wasn’t condemning you! I would be lying if I said I didn’t think it was hot.” He put his hand on Frank’s arm, “So. Your last partner was Bert.”

“And he’s clean.” Frank assured him, “Well, he needs to shower more often but I know that’s not what you meant.”

Gerard closed his eyes and sighed. Frank knew when he was being tolerated, “Yes. I already know your preference. Is there anything you need to tell me?”

Frank shook his head, “Is it weird that even though this conversation is really awkward that I’m already kind of turned on?”

Gerard’s mouth fell open but he covered it up pretty quick, “I don’t know if I’m impressed or worried.”

“Either is fine, I don’t mind which.” 

A pause.

“So,” Gerard said.

Frank nodded, “So.”

“What would… what would you like to do? Tonight. Assuming you still want to.” He added the last part quickly, checking Frank’s face.

“Yes, absolutely, I do.” He said immediately, “And, um, I don’t know how far you wanna go. Considering what you told me.”

“I would say we should start off with, um, handjobs or blowjobs or something like that.” It looked pretty painful for Gerard to say what he wanted to so Frank just nodded.

“Yeah.” He scooted closer to him on the bed, “Do you mind if I kiss you? Just tell me what you want as we go, okay?”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, okay. And please.”

“Okay.” Frank smiled and cupped Gerard’s jaw.

In short, he loved kissing Gerard. He was careful and passionate and he made Frank feel like they were the last two people on earth. He was gentle. Frank melted at gentleness. Bert was rough and fast and it was hardly ever gentle between them. Frank knew that Gerard could be rough and fast too just by making out with him in various parking lots but God, when Gerard’s hand tentatively touched the back of Frank’s neck, he was a puddle.

It started off soft and not really that sensual until Gerard’s other hand slid up Frank’s leg. He kept up this repetitive petting on Frank’s inner thigh, making him hard within seconds. He just - he loved the care.

“Is this okay?” Gerard broke away to kiss Frank's jaw.

“Yeah.” His voice came out breathy and high-pitched, “I have - have a thing for, uh, shit with my neck.”

“What, like…?” His hand brushed over the zipper of Frank’s jeans.

He gasped and pretended he wasn’t embarrassed by it, “Biting, licking, sucking - fuck, anything.”

“Anything.” He repeated and kissed just below his ear.

While his mouth sucked at the skin above his collar, his hands started to unbuckle Frank’s belt, working slowly, giving Frank time to moan out ‘yes’ over and over in quick succession. There was something so hot about it all and yet something so incredibly innocent about it, too. Maybe it was the way Gerard’s hands were shaking. Frank fumbled with his belt, moving his hands out of the way. Gerard broke away from his neck to watch him undo his belt and kick off his shoes and jeans.

“I don’t know how you get so hard so quickly even when you got off this morning,” Gerard said as he watched Frank take his shirt off, too.

Frank chuckled and stared at Gerard who was too clothed for his liking. He started tugging at his belt, pushing him back into Frank’s bed, “It’s just you. You drive me fucking crazy. This okay?”

“Fuck, yes.” He lifted his hips to help Frank, sliding his jeans off. 

He watched Gerard do what he did just seconds ago, kicking off his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head. As soon as his chest was uncovered, Frank put his hands on him. He loved everything about how he looked. He was pale and soft and Frank bit at his collarbones and called him beautiful. He didn’t disagree but he might’ve been distracted by Frank’s wandering hands and dire need to press him into the mattress. 

“Slow - slow down.” Gerard breathed, “Want - want this to be slow.”

“Sorry,” Frank panted, “sorry, I got excited.”

“I just - it might take me a minute.” He said, looking a little worried.

He kissed that look off of Gerard’s face, “Tell me what you like.”

“I, uh, I actually think it’s really hot when I touch you.” His eyes looked everywhere but at Frank’s face, “Like fuck, just looking at you now, it’s almost too much.”

“Like - like you get off on getting other people off?” He asked for clarity and nodded when Gerard nodded, “Okay. Okay, yeah, we can do that. I wanted to try to get you off first just because - well it would suck if I was the only one that got anything out of this.”

“You’re sweet, Frank, but even if I didn’t get to finish… this is still something for me.” Gerard didn’t elaborate what exactly that meant and Frank didn’t ask, even if he didn’t quite understand because he had a hand on Frank’s thigh again, “I wanna touch you.”

“Do it.” He swallowed, “please.”

Gerard looked at him then, heated eye contact as he pulled at Frank’s waistband. It was so intense that he nearly needed to look away. Gerard was seriously enjoying it. Fuck. His hand slid below the waistband of his boxers. He leaned in to kiss at Frank’s neck again, all light touches and teasing. Frank whined and Gerard finally wrapped his hand around Frank’s cock. His touch was still light but at least he was starting a motion that meant business. 

“Please.” He said. 

He didn’t exactly know what he was asking for but Gerard seemed to know anyway, helping Frank out of his boxers and leaving him naked on the cool sheets. He started jacking him off again, less light and more deliberate. It was embarrassing how close he was already.

“God, look at you.” Gerard whispered, rubbing the head of his cock with his thumb, “You’re so hot. I don’t - you always tell me I’m pretty but I never say what I think. You’re so fucking hot.”

“You’re just saying that cause my dick is in your hand.” Frank teased, his voice going a pitch higher because Gerard moved so he could use his other hand to cup Frank’s balls.

“I think you’re hot when you zone out watching Animal Planet.” He said and smiled too sweetly in context.

“Shit, you drive me crazy.” Frank repeated, “Is this - are you?”

“Sorta. Fuck.” He said, “Oh, you’re close, aren’t you?”

“Shut up.” He huffed, “Yeah.”

“Do you want to?” Gerard asked, suddenly gentle again with his touches.

Frank honestly really wanted to see Gerard finish before him as he had originally planned. Well, he decided, no matter how awkward, communication was key, “I wanna see you cum first.”

“Oh.” His voice was quiet. He slowed his strokes to a stop and Frank let his head hit the bed, “I didn’t realize how much you meant that. I thought you were just being kind.”

“I do mean it.” Frank breathed “I just - I need a moment. You’re good at that.”

“Thanks.” He said sheepishly, his hand rubbing Frank’s leg soothingly, “You look like a painting.”

Frank was on his back, one of his legs bent while the other was spread outward. He had one hand resting on his stomach and the other fisted in the sheets. He supposed he probably looked pretty spectacular to Gerard. His smile was loose and lazy, “Heh. Gonna paint me like one of your French girls?”

Gerard smiled at the joke but didn’t tease him back like Frank thought he would. Frank just sort of breathed for a moment until he was nearly back to normal, leaning over and kissing Gerard sweetly.

“Take off your underwear,” Frank said when he pulled away.

“Okay.” Gerard nodded and did as told.

He was sporting a semi which was definitely something Frank could work with. After another nod and a quiet ‘please’, Frank took him in hand. He sort of copied what Gerard had done to him only a moment ago. It didn’t seem like it was enough, though, and Frank was too horny to really be embarrassed anymore, so he just let his mouth ramble.

“I’ve waited forever to do this, I swear.” He started off, kissing Gerard’s neck, “You're so soft and pale and even the way you’re breathing is sexy. Like, God. And I know you’re embarrassed about this whole dick thing but I totally love it. Love the extra attention I get to give you. Love touching you. I can’t wait to watch you cum all over my hand.”

He let out a high, nearly startled moan, growing fully hard in Frank’s hand. The smile on his face turned mischievous around the edges.

Gerard was leaning heavily against Frank. He tucked his head into the crook of his neck the moment that Frank sat up, holding onto the arm that Frank wasn’t using to jack him off with. 

“Cum is totally gross but I don’t know… something about the image of you all hot and bothered holding onto me like this…” He paused, “It’s so good. You sound almost scared that I’m making you feel this good.”

“I am.” His voice shook, “Not a bad thing. Just - ahhh - overwhelming.”

“When was the last time someone made you feel like this?” Frank asked.

“Hngh. Fuck. Months. I don’t know.” His admission was a whine, “Oh, please keep talking. Doing so much.”

Frank focused his attention on the head of Gerard’s cock and kept rambling, “I love how you’re shaking right now. Moaning in my ear. God, you’re everything, Gerard. You’re everything I could want. Could ever need. Tell me how you feel.”

Gerard seemed confused by the subject change but took in a sharp breath, “Like I’m going to explode. I feel hot. Like I’m falling apart.”

“I won’t let you fall apart but I’d love to see you explode.” He chuckled, low and dark, “Am I setting you off? You gonna explode for me? Cum for me?”

“ _ Shit _ ,” he whined, drawn-out and loud, “yes! God - what? Frankie, what the fuck - I’m - shit, I’m gonna cum.”

“Fuck, do it. Cum for me.” He sped up his movements and watched as Gerard tensed in his arms, gripped his arm tight, and came over his hand. 

“Oh,  _ fuck _ .” He moaned, his vowels nearly sung, “Shit, Frankie, I’m - I’m…”

“Yeah, you are.” He could barely breathe. It was a hot sight. Unbelievably hot, “All for me.”

He nodded, his hair tickling Frank’s neck, “You.”

Frank dropped his hand to Gerard’s thigh when he finished cumming. He was still hard and the need to cum himself was becoming more and more prominent but the noises Gerard was making in his ear were amazing. He could take it for a bit longer.

“You,” he said again, “you made me cum. With a handjob. I can barely do that myself.”

“There’s only so many ways to jerk off before it gets old.” Frank said, “So fucking worth it. Watching you cum was nearly enough to push me over the edge.”

“Really?” He leaned back and looked at Frank’s crotch where there was some precum dripping down the side of his dick, “Shit.”

“Touch me. Please.” He begged and Gerard’s hand was on him in an instant.

It didn’t take long for Frank to be pushed over the edge. Just a few strokes and a muffled encouragement was all it took for Frank to cum. He was far louder than Gerard and called it payback for earlier when the two of them heard Bert and Quinn. He swallowed gulps of air and kissed Gerard so hard that it probably had to hurt, pushing him back on the mattress, ignoring the mess between them.

After a minute of making out and finally cleaning up the mess, they got dressed again. Gerard had wanted to go back out to the living room and watch a movie with Quinn and Bert and it seemed like a pretty great idea but just as they were about to, Gerard stopped.

He bit his lip, “This is so out of the blue but I - I think I wanna go to the next AA meeting with you.”

Frank blinked, “Yeah, okay. Okay, Gerard. It’s this Tuesday.”

“Okay.” He smiled, “The, uh, the reason I said that… the last relationship I had, we used to drink after we were physical and I just…”

“You had the craving.” Frank nodded, “I get it. I do.”

“Yeah, I just-” He sighed and smiled at Frank, shy as if they hadn’t totally just come all over each other, “I don’t know. Thanks for being you.”

That made Frank’s chest ache, “Gee… you’re welcome.”

“Now,” he straightened himself out, “let’s force them to watch Flight of the Navigator with us.”

Frank followed him down the hall, “Do you think if I tried hard enough, I could get Quinn to cuddle with me?”

Somehow, the man in question heard it and shouted at them from the living room, “Absolutely not!”

By the end of the movie, Frank had Gerard curled up on his right and Quinn on his left with Bert laying across their laps like the attention whore he was. Gerard awkwardly sat his hands on Bert’s legs while Frank had his hand up his shirt and Quinn played with his hair.

“This movie is far more terrible than I remember,” Bert said, prompting everyone to shush him simultaneously.

Frank made eye contact with Gerard and they shared a smile. Even if his whole life up until that point was filled with questions and useless answers, there was one thing Frank knew for certain. He was falling in love.


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic has been many months in the making and i thank each and every one of my friends on twitter for encouraging me as well as listening to me rant about my ideas for this. and i thank everyone who has read it up to this point and left kudos and comments - y'all are the highlight of my week. thanks a billion and be on the lookout for fics in the future - i've got some good ones planned.

Frank held Gerard’s hand as they walked into the Catholic church. He didn’t exactly like that it was being held in a church basement either and he’d told Gerard so when he commented about the musty smell. He gave Gerard this big long list of what to expect including talkative sharers and how cheesy a lot of it was. But even after he prefaced the meeting with a meeting of sorts, Gerard still seemed surprised when he was asked to stand up and introduce himself.

The woman who led the group was around his mother’s age. She also didn’t attend Mass at the church they were meeting in but she didn’t mind. Her name was Larissa and her favorite band was Kittie. Frank liked her a lot and even went on a date with her once. It wasn’t weird between them at all, actually. She had her own independent art studio now and a fiancé. He was almost impressed with her progress, to be honest.

“If you’d like to stand up and share, we’d love to get to know you.” She grinned.

He shot a look at Frank and stood up cautiously, “Uh - uh, hi.”

The room sort of shuffled in in response. 

“I’m Gerard. I came here with Frank.” He gestured weakly to where Frank was sitting.

“Thanks, sweetie.” She grinned and Gerard sat down, “Would you like to share tonight? Why did you decide to come?”

“Yeah, I can share.” He shrugged and Frank held his hand, “I broke my sobriety streak. It happened a few weeks ago and I’m sober again but - I just - I need the support.”

“And you said you came with Frank?”

“Yeah. We - well, he’s - he’s my boyfriend and he told me about this group and I thought - I thought maybe I would give it a shot.” He chuckled nervously.

“Well, I’m glad you decided to come.” Larissa switched gears then, looking around the room instead of singling Gerard out.

There was a flow she had. Introductions if you were new, announcements, and then a group share. She went around the room and asked everyone how they were doing, any struggles, etc. It was pretty straightforward - like group therapy, really. Even if it was cheesy and cliche most of the time, it was still pretty good. Or at least Frank generally felt a little bit better after he left. Everyone in the circle seemed to be doing about the same; they were living life and just trying to get by without turning to things they didn’t need to cope with.

“Thank you, Maurice. Now, Frank,” Larissa’s smile turned from polite to familiar and friendly when her gaze fell upon Frank, “How have you been since the last time we’ve seen you?”

“Good! Oddly, really good.” He admitted.

“That’s good to hear! Last time you shared, it was a few months ago. What’s changed to make things better?” She asked.

“Oh, so much.” He held out a finger for each thing he listed off, “I quit my job, started a new one, and somehow found Gerard in all of it. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t help with the overall happiness.”

“That really is so good to hear. Your improvement is nearly visible. Dare I say it, I’m almost proud.” She looked down briefly like she did always before asking a loaded question, “How are the cravings? They still bothering you as much as they were?”

“I mean, sometimes they’re there. Frankly, I haven’t given it much thought. I’ve been to parties where people were drinking and it just kinda grossed me out. I feel like it’s taken me a while to actually get to this point where I willingly choose Sunny D over a beer because I like how it tastes.” He snickered and she giggled, too, “But even when I do have issues with it still, I have a lot of support.”

“And who’s your support? Besides, Gerard.” Larissa winked at Gerard and when Frank looked, he was blushing.

“My friend, Bert. He’s the roommate I brought along with me for the first few meetings.” 

“Oh! Yes, the long-haired one.” She nodded, “Well, I’m so glad you’re doing better.”

It was Gerard’s turn after that and really, he said about the same as he did when she asked him why he decided to come. He gave the shortened version of his relapse and how he met Frank and just how life led him to be sat in a dirty old church basement. Larissa seemed to like him well enough and when the meeting was over, she came over to the two holding hands and looking at a moldy painting of the Virgin Mary.

“Hi,” she grinned and Frank gave her a hug, “oh, Frankie, it really is good to see you back here.”

“It was a long time coming, that’s for sure.” He pulled away and put a hand on the small of Gerard’s back, “Gee, this is Larissa. I know you guys talked during the meeting but - yeah.”

They shook hands, “It’s good to meet you properly. I never thought I would find solace somewhere that smells like feet.”

She snorted and covered her mouth before laughing for real, “I guess it kinda does, doesn’t it? Been down here so much I don’t notice it anymore.”

“Just a little like feet.” He mumbled.

“It’s so strange,” she changed the subject away from feet, “I always thought that the long-haired boy you brought in was your boyfriend. What was his name again?”

“Bert,” Frank said.

“Bert, right.” She nodded, “Did Frankie ever tell you we used to go out?”

Gerard looked from Larissa to Frank and back to Larissa, “No, he didn’t. I - I don’t mean this rudely but isn’t he a bit, um.”

“Too young?” She deadpanned before nudging Gerard playfully, “Oh, I know. I thought he was older and he thought I was younger. It wasn’t until our third date that it slipped that he was a fresh high school grad. It was fun while it lasted, though.”

“Is it weird to have an ex in the group?” He shifted awkwardly and Frank rubbed his back.

Larissa scoffed, “No, of course not! That boy was too scared to even hold my hand most dates, anyhow. If anything, it just makes the group more fun. He’s a joy to have.”

Gerard nodded like he understood but Frank knew that he had more questions, deep down, “He is.”

“You boys have a lovely night now.” She winked at Frank, “Drive safe.”

When she was out of earshot, Gerard said, “She was flirting with you.”

That made Frank crack up, “Yeah, she does that. She doesn’t mean anything by it, though. That’s just her personality. She was flirting with you, too.”

“She was?” He asked, following Frank toward the exit.

“Absolutely. She was totally checking you out.” He laughed.

They were halfway up the stairs to the main level of the church when he said, “I still don’t know why you dated her.”

“Look, mommy issues affect the best of us, alright?” Frank said over his shoulder, “And you can’t tell me she isn’t pretty because she is.”

“I suppose.” He mumbled.

Frank stopped and turned around to look at him. He was at the top of the stairs while Gerard had a few left to go, “You’re jealous.”

“I - I’m not.”

“Gee, you’re my moon and stars. Larissa is an ex and that’s all she’ll ever be. She’s married now. Or is about to be. I don’t exactly know when their wedding is.” He took Gerard’s hand and tugged him alongside him, “But don’t worry. I’m yours, okay?”

“Okay.” He sighed and stopped dead in his tracks when they stepped outside.

Quinn and Bert stood in front of them with two identical grins on their faces. They’d planned a little something as a celebration. There wasn’t just one main thing they were celebrating - they could’ve said Gerard’s start to recovery, Frank and Gerard’s one month anniversary, or Quinn and Bert’s two-month anniversary, and they’d all be right. But the plans were made with Gerard in mind.

“What are you guys doing here?” He asked, confused.

“We’re here to kidnap you and buy you dinner and kiss your boyfriend,” Bert said.

“He’s mostly gonna do the last one.” Quinn said, “We wanted to treat you to something. AA meetings are exhausting and a growing boy needs his protein.”

Frank shook his head, “You guys are so weird.”

“You love us.” Bert flicked his hair over his shoulder and slung his arms around Frank and Gerard’s shoulders, “Okay, Gerard. Your choices are: Denny’s, this really nice Japanese place by the Cracker Barrel, or Subway.”

“Notice how Cracker Barrel isn’t an option.” Frank smiled at his boyfriend who just giggled, “He’s banned for life there. You should really tell him that story.”

“Maybe at dinner. But Gerard has to choose where that is first.” He turned back to Gerard.

He’d been watching Frank and Bert with an affectionate expression, “You’re really hyping up that Japanese place but… I don’t know, Denny’s holds a special place in my heart.” 

“Then to Denny’s we go!” He led them back to the car with his arms around them, leaving Quinn to awkwardly walk next to Frank.

When he ventured close enough, Frank managed to pull him toward the group and sling an arm around his shoulder, “If you’re with Bert, you’re with us, Quinn.”

Quiet but sincere, he said, “Thanks, man.”

Bert eventually let go when he called shotgun, running to the passenger’s side door. Frank and Gerard took the back seat, seeing as Quinn was the one who wanted to drive his own car. When they started down the road, Frank took Gerard’s hand in his own. He looked so pretty in the dim, orange lamplight. He was wearing this goth ass scarf with bats on it and a green jacket of Frank’s. His hair was kinda ruffled from when Bert had messed with him.

“You’re so pretty.” He told him, “And I’m so proud of you.”

“Oh, shut up.” Gerard looked away, embarrassed.

“I’m gonna keep saying it until you believe me,” Frank said and meant it.

“Whatever.” He grumbled and after a second, leaned over and kissed Frank chastely on the lips.

From the passenger’s seat, Bert spoke up, “Oh! Quinn, tell them about the crazy chick at your work today.”

He groaned, long and miserable, “Oh my  _ God _ . Okay so-” 

As Quinn ranted about some middle-aged woman who argued with all the staff including the manager about returning something even though she bought it at a different store, Frank rested his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder and thought,  _ I could get used to this _ .


End file.
